A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[Darkness]

Happy birth !

[apollolux]

Thanks for the birthday wishes, Darkness.

Here are some short updates:

My psychiatrist has increased the dosage of the anti-depressant. Originally at 5mg, working my way to 10 by doing a 7.5 in between, knowing how difficult it is to effectively split a tablet that small.

I've added a daily GNC Mega Men Energy & Metabolism Vitapak to hopefully help with energy and motivation since gingko biloba sure as hell ain't doing the job. I have two boxes, so let's see how 60 days of this goes.

I bought a bottle of Bad Wolf pheromones and it came with a free tester of Possess which seems to be a pleasant surprise, though I don't know how much to apply of either to get the results I'm looking for. Today I put 4 drops of BW and 3 dabs of Possess, as well as 2 sprays of P96, so we'll see what happens.

Got another unexplained (as in they didn't explain why) job rejection the day after my interview, so it looks like I won't be taking my talents to Apple Store NYC Genius Bar after all.

I don't feel motivation to do much of anything, partly because it doesn't feel like I'd enjoy it (e.g. some school work) and partly because I feel it would be useless to do it because I wouldn't get what I wanted from it (e.g. "hanging out" with a female platonically even though I want sex from her).

I feel increasingly disappointed with girls around me, particularly if I get the vibe that they only want me around to use me. My gut reaction is to try to use them back, though I'm not sure I actually want to change that to simply ignoring them, as I still feel "they need to learn their lessons" and that apparently I'm the only one willing to teach them that.

Anger at external results not matching inner changes still exists, especially when a situation like that formal complaint happens and people expect me to just sit there and be talked at like I'm some sort of sex-crazed monster that needs to be punished or something.

Let's see how much I can actually accomplish before starting on BIABWS+DAOS. I'm more and more disappointed that my efforts haven't yet brought me the results I'm expecting, and I'm more disappointed that having such expectations is considered "a bad thing" by other people.