03-04-2019, 05:14 AM
(03-04-2019, 04:35 AM)Kol Wrote: Definitely, some golden nuggets you posted Greenduck, thank you. What you say rings true and its pretty spot on. Its also not the first time my mind flipped in that regard. It all went downhill from there and am probably scared to admit it inside. In fact, this might actually be a FRM response, as in, internally loads is happening and it expresses outwardly. As within, so without.
Also, the negative selftalk is something im changing. It came to light some days ago and how "sticky" it is.
Your compassion part reminds me of "giving without needing"anything in return. Heh, my ego seems to be like "kol, the heck you just say?!"
Its also one of my drives to want to go rougue. In a sense it feels like escaping, but its getting real old to deny myself the full pleasures and indulgensesof life.
When such heavy stuff happens, its like my inner locus of control is gone. Value, selfworth, other things occupy and are burried when shit hits the fan.
What have really helped me, because I recognize this you are talking about "going rouge" is really as you say an escapism from dealing with yourself, is to just sit with my own emotions. Literally. Sit with yourself, cross your arms if that make you more comfortable, breathe and feel what you feel. Or share it with someone you trust if you can do that. The more you do it the more easily it will be. In my case I haven't been used to engage and recognize my own feelings due to a parent that made that impossible during my upbringing so I am still learning.
Compassion isn't just about giving without wanting anything back, it's also about realizing that maybe you don't can give at the moment but need to get support from other people, and that that is also OK and that you deserve to have that support.
