Definitely, some golden nuggets you posted Greenduck, thank you. What you say rings true and its pretty spot on. Its also not the first time my mind flipped in that regard. It all went downhill from there and am probably scared to admit it inside. In fact, this might actually be a FRM response, as in, internally loads is happening and it expresses outwardly. As within, so without.
Also, the negative selftalk is something im changing. It came to light some days ago and how "sticky" it is.
Your compassion part reminds me of "giving without needing"anything in return. Heh, my ego seems to be like "kol, the heck you just say?!"
Its also one of my drives to want to go rougue. In a sense it feels like escaping, but its getting real old to deny myself the full pleasures and indulgensesof life.
When such heavy stuff happens, its like my inner locus of control is gone. Value, selfworth, other things occupy and are burried when shit hits the fan.
Also, the negative selftalk is something im changing. It came to light some days ago and how "sticky" it is.
Your compassion part reminds me of "giving without needing"anything in return. Heh, my ego seems to be like "kol, the heck you just say?!"
Its also one of my drives to want to go rougue. In a sense it feels like escaping, but its getting real old to deny myself the full pleasures and indulgensesof life.
When such heavy stuff happens, its like my inner locus of control is gone. Value, selfworth, other things occupy and are burried when shit hits the fan.
