Currently its like war inside. My mind is going all kind of directions. Yesterday there was a party, and one element involves dress up. Good times for peacocking.
Anyways, im feeling almost castrated. Dont get me wrong, im working on and incorporating habits, shifting and changing leaps. Yet, yesterday, while not all was bad, and I had some good times, I was affected by some of my friends states. Reactionairy while it doesnt phase me before, yet mixed with social freedom, owning the place through body language.
Anyways, those close to me ( or we're not sure yet ) we're increasingly gaslighthing me and amogging has increased. Its 2 weeks now, now that im in open target modus. Shots are fired and I feel just straight up depressed, powerless (!) Agression seems to be supressed for whatever reason, like a sexless beta male niceguy.
Its a really mixed bag, and tbh, im scared.my subc is scared like a little kid. Im gaining more discipline, still having the occasional mindfog, an social, funny, witty and open, yet with them...idk. idk why im so empathized and invested in this group, when its obviously its hindring my success as they show undesirable elements and incel crap.
I just want this attachment to be over with. Its not healthy and i feel my mind is getting real hard blows and spins me into a state of freeze and almost punched into submissiveness due to powerlessness and confusion.
My speaking is also real messed up. Sentences come out but these sentences are all butchered up.
Today however, I went over a hump so to say, my focus in the right places, discipline up, urges arent important, like my inner state has taken over management of it. Its vital. Life is great. Going to hit the gym hard and optimalize my physique aswell as my mind. No time for stopping, just go.
Anyways, im feeling almost castrated. Dont get me wrong, im working on and incorporating habits, shifting and changing leaps. Yet, yesterday, while not all was bad, and I had some good times, I was affected by some of my friends states. Reactionairy while it doesnt phase me before, yet mixed with social freedom, owning the place through body language.
Anyways, those close to me ( or we're not sure yet ) we're increasingly gaslighthing me and amogging has increased. Its 2 weeks now, now that im in open target modus. Shots are fired and I feel just straight up depressed, powerless (!) Agression seems to be supressed for whatever reason, like a sexless beta male niceguy.
Its a really mixed bag, and tbh, im scared.my subc is scared like a little kid. Im gaining more discipline, still having the occasional mindfog, an social, funny, witty and open, yet with them...idk. idk why im so empathized and invested in this group, when its obviously its hindring my success as they show undesirable elements and incel crap.
I just want this attachment to be over with. Its not healthy and i feel my mind is getting real hard blows and spins me into a state of freeze and almost punched into submissiveness due to powerlessness and confusion.
My speaking is also real messed up. Sentences come out but these sentences are all butchered up.
Today however, I went over a hump so to say, my focus in the right places, discipline up, urges arent important, like my inner state has taken over management of it. Its vital. Life is great. Going to hit the gym hard and optimalize my physique aswell as my mind. No time for stopping, just go.
