12-21-2015, 11:46 AM
Now I present to you my not so easy run of OF. To anyone interested in the 2 month and 4 month milestone feedback, they can be found HERE for 2 months and HERE for 4 months.
Like with all stories, let's start from the beginning. Not so long ago this summer I decided to run OF, but little did Natious know about how hard this ride was going to be. This is not one of those stories that has me facing my deepest fears by throwing myself at the mercy of a challenging situation like climbing the mount Everest to face the fear of heights. This is rather the more realistic and maybe only mildly interesting to read story. Actually to think of it, it's not a story at all, it's more like a combination of realizations and small situations that might bring some awkward joy to the average reader.
About 2 months ago I was travelling across Europe as I was on a rather long holiday for a total of 4 months or so. A rather unfortunate time to be facing fears and resistance and yet I only missed like 3 days on the whole trip. There was a lot of drinking and although a lot of weird stuff happened because of it, it is a good thing since I've been sober for over a month now and don't really plan on going back to drinking ever again. One of the cooler things that everyone should try is Sauna or if we're talking about cooler things then jumping into a frozen lake afterwards.
Now the general vibe of OF was rather rough for someone on a holiday so I don't recommend it to whoever is choosing a sub to run while trying to relax. A lot of the time I felt insecure and just very disconnected from everything and anyone, but not all the time, there were some very good days when everything seemed to make sense. There's a positive side to this though and that is reflection, this sub will very often just sit you in a chair and and make you go "What the fuck is going on?", after asking that question from yourself a few times you will start developing self awareness that would normally take many years to acquire.
I think it would have helped me to write down some more specific goals for this sub, it makes it a little difficult to compare the results in the fears department. I have noticed a lot of the resistance toward fears which has manifested by surfacing almost all fears at once and nearly a few panic attacks, this did however fade the longer I had run the sub. My main goal was to get rid of my social anxiety and I sadly have come to realize that it was not reduced much during my time on OF. I can't say that it was a complete bust though since there are some instances where my interaction with the outer world is smoother and I feel a little safer. There seems to be a deeper issue that keeps the anxiety in its place, when I start thinking of what the bullying felt like in my childhood then it isn't simply fear, but also a great amount of guilt and shame for not being able to defend myself and stand up for myself. Sounds like a run of EHPRA 2.0 could help!
An incredibly interesting side effect from OF (or being sober) is that my anger has reduced A LOT, it's like when I get a little angry at some things I automatically see the situation from other perspectives and that kind of diffuses the anger. This I did not see coming.
Another thing that changed during OF is that I feel like I want to take more action, so far running subliminals has been more of a hit play and wait for changes to appear, this attitude has changed on OF. Basically I have been a little bit more active in pushing myself toward moving forward. In about a month I'll be starting a program that can land me a paid intern ship in marketing (not sure if I translated this correctly) which I plan on pursuing for about a year and then move to Canada. As I mentioned I'm sober for over a month and off PMO for about the same amount with the exception of P (4+ months). I have been working out and purchased some creatine to go with it. Today I started this program called freeletics which I'll be doing for 3 months after which I will see whether I want to continue or not.
I didn't want to go back to recapping the whole OF run and I probably wouldn't have remembered a lot of the things that happened during the whole run anyway since I've had a lot of brain fog recently.
Now I am going to ask myself a bunch of questions and answer them for you ( or me)
Am I happy with the OF run? - Yes and no. I expected to get rid of my social anxiety and only now I can see that OF couldn't have done it even with a year long run so that is a little disappointing but I guess it was an important realization.
If I could turn back time would I choose the same path? - That's a tough one, I don't think there would be any better alternatives for me to run so yeah, I would run OF again.
What sub will you run next? - I am currently keeping my eyes on the EHPRA 2.0 which will hopefully be out by the new year, fingers crossed.
So that's it, thought I'd write my feedback a little different this time. Any questions? Feel free to ask!
PS: I'm actually on day 191, but hopefully by the time you are done with reading this you'll be too tired to hold grudge
Like with all stories, let's start from the beginning. Not so long ago this summer I decided to run OF, but little did Natious know about how hard this ride was going to be. This is not one of those stories that has me facing my deepest fears by throwing myself at the mercy of a challenging situation like climbing the mount Everest to face the fear of heights. This is rather the more realistic and maybe only mildly interesting to read story. Actually to think of it, it's not a story at all, it's more like a combination of realizations and small situations that might bring some awkward joy to the average reader.
About 2 months ago I was travelling across Europe as I was on a rather long holiday for a total of 4 months or so. A rather unfortunate time to be facing fears and resistance and yet I only missed like 3 days on the whole trip. There was a lot of drinking and although a lot of weird stuff happened because of it, it is a good thing since I've been sober for over a month now and don't really plan on going back to drinking ever again. One of the cooler things that everyone should try is Sauna or if we're talking about cooler things then jumping into a frozen lake afterwards.
Now the general vibe of OF was rather rough for someone on a holiday so I don't recommend it to whoever is choosing a sub to run while trying to relax. A lot of the time I felt insecure and just very disconnected from everything and anyone, but not all the time, there were some very good days when everything seemed to make sense. There's a positive side to this though and that is reflection, this sub will very often just sit you in a chair and and make you go "What the fuck is going on?", after asking that question from yourself a few times you will start developing self awareness that would normally take many years to acquire.
I think it would have helped me to write down some more specific goals for this sub, it makes it a little difficult to compare the results in the fears department. I have noticed a lot of the resistance toward fears which has manifested by surfacing almost all fears at once and nearly a few panic attacks, this did however fade the longer I had run the sub. My main goal was to get rid of my social anxiety and I sadly have come to realize that it was not reduced much during my time on OF. I can't say that it was a complete bust though since there are some instances where my interaction with the outer world is smoother and I feel a little safer. There seems to be a deeper issue that keeps the anxiety in its place, when I start thinking of what the bullying felt like in my childhood then it isn't simply fear, but also a great amount of guilt and shame for not being able to defend myself and stand up for myself. Sounds like a run of EHPRA 2.0 could help!
An incredibly interesting side effect from OF (or being sober) is that my anger has reduced A LOT, it's like when I get a little angry at some things I automatically see the situation from other perspectives and that kind of diffuses the anger. This I did not see coming.
Another thing that changed during OF is that I feel like I want to take more action, so far running subliminals has been more of a hit play and wait for changes to appear, this attitude has changed on OF. Basically I have been a little bit more active in pushing myself toward moving forward. In about a month I'll be starting a program that can land me a paid intern ship in marketing (not sure if I translated this correctly) which I plan on pursuing for about a year and then move to Canada. As I mentioned I'm sober for over a month and off PMO for about the same amount with the exception of P (4+ months). I have been working out and purchased some creatine to go with it. Today I started this program called freeletics which I'll be doing for 3 months after which I will see whether I want to continue or not.
I didn't want to go back to recapping the whole OF run and I probably wouldn't have remembered a lot of the things that happened during the whole run anyway since I've had a lot of brain fog recently.
Now I am going to ask myself a bunch of questions and answer them for you ( or me)
Am I happy with the OF run? - Yes and no. I expected to get rid of my social anxiety and only now I can see that OF couldn't have done it even with a year long run so that is a little disappointing but I guess it was an important realization.
If I could turn back time would I choose the same path? - That's a tough one, I don't think there would be any better alternatives for me to run so yeah, I would run OF again.
What sub will you run next? - I am currently keeping my eyes on the EHPRA 2.0 which will hopefully be out by the new year, fingers crossed.
So that's it, thought I'd write my feedback a little different this time. Any questions? Feel free to ask!
PS: I'm actually on day 191, but hopefully by the time you are done with reading this you'll be too tired to hold grudge