Day 30.
5 loops. Masked. We're coming up on the 32 day mark. Many changes have occurred, so many that I can't even begin to count. I'm exhausted today. Having a hard time constructing sentences. We know what that means. There's some deep changes stirring within me.
Today, I realized that I have such a deeply ingrained fear of failure that I have all kinds of avoidance behaviors that manifests whenever I'm subconsciously afraid of something.
I have to write a short bio to send to the radio station, and as I sat down to write it, I was gripped by this feeling of terror -- as if there's something wrong about acknowledging and writing down my accomplishments. I realize that I have a tendency to downplay my talents. People tend to get jealous of me when they see what I'm capable of. They'll attempt to control me somehow. By placing bullshit restrictions on me, or threatening to withdraw their friendship / support / whatever. In the past, I've just given in and let them have it their way, since I never really cared that much. Now I realize how many prime opportunities I've missed out on by being so passive.
So, on this day, I acknowledge this fear of success, of having self-confidence, of holding myself in high regard. I acknowledge these fears and I vow to surpass them. To push on. To become something great.
EDIT: Ironically, writing this was one of those avoidance behaviors. Gonna write that bio now.
5 loops. Masked. We're coming up on the 32 day mark. Many changes have occurred, so many that I can't even begin to count. I'm exhausted today. Having a hard time constructing sentences. We know what that means. There's some deep changes stirring within me.
Today, I realized that I have such a deeply ingrained fear of failure that I have all kinds of avoidance behaviors that manifests whenever I'm subconsciously afraid of something.
I have to write a short bio to send to the radio station, and as I sat down to write it, I was gripped by this feeling of terror -- as if there's something wrong about acknowledging and writing down my accomplishments. I realize that I have a tendency to downplay my talents. People tend to get jealous of me when they see what I'm capable of. They'll attempt to control me somehow. By placing bullshit restrictions on me, or threatening to withdraw their friendship / support / whatever. In the past, I've just given in and let them have it their way, since I never really cared that much. Now I realize how many prime opportunities I've missed out on by being so passive.
So, on this day, I acknowledge this fear of success, of having self-confidence, of holding myself in high regard. I acknowledge these fears and I vow to surpass them. To push on. To become something great.
EDIT: Ironically, writing this was one of those avoidance behaviors. Gonna write that bio now.