==96 days done==
96 days done listening to ASC for 12 hours a day. What has happened in these last 96 days?
I started another full-time semester at college.
I ended a friendship I thought was deep and was officially diagnosed with depression shortly after, started medication with side effects, I was asked to resign as president of my organization, I've alienated people away, I almost ran out of money and asked for donations from numerous sources because none of the jobs I've applied for would hire me, I fell behind in classwork, I lost motivation to do pretty much anything productive, I lost my offline journal for the first 72 days AND my 32 days of EPRHA.
I got many women's real phone numbers, all flaking, I saw abs in myself for the first time in my life and finally got some proof that it is achievable, I finally got work study, I reconnected with an old classmate, I'm beginning to give my mother a chance, probably a couple of other positive things that I haven't paid attention to or processed yet.
I've felt anger, frustration, depression, apathy, futility, illness, vindictiveness. I've felt more emotion and cried more in the past 4 months than I have in the last 4 years before it. I've had realizations about my past behavior I never expected to have. I've felt lowered libido, sometimes abstaining from masturbation for up to 10 days (likely due to lack of motivation more than anything voluntary). I've felt heightened libido, sometimes masturbating up to 6 times in one day. I've felt the relief that comes from knowing it is achievable, "it" being anything in particular I've put in effort and work toward making a positive result happen. I've felt what might be true confidence for the first time in my life, a confidence I haven't even come close to feeling since 2005.
Seeing abs for the first time in my life, the results of months of hard work, and the resulting assurance that "it is achievable" was the catalyst for what I perceive to be an upswing in my life. I need another catalyst to solidify this upswing.
96 days done listening to ASC for 12 hours a day. What has happened in these last 96 days?
I started another full-time semester at college.
I ended a friendship I thought was deep and was officially diagnosed with depression shortly after, started medication with side effects, I was asked to resign as president of my organization, I've alienated people away, I almost ran out of money and asked for donations from numerous sources because none of the jobs I've applied for would hire me, I fell behind in classwork, I lost motivation to do pretty much anything productive, I lost my offline journal for the first 72 days AND my 32 days of EPRHA.
I got many women's real phone numbers, all flaking, I saw abs in myself for the first time in my life and finally got some proof that it is achievable, I finally got work study, I reconnected with an old classmate, I'm beginning to give my mother a chance, probably a couple of other positive things that I haven't paid attention to or processed yet.
I've felt anger, frustration, depression, apathy, futility, illness, vindictiveness. I've felt more emotion and cried more in the past 4 months than I have in the last 4 years before it. I've had realizations about my past behavior I never expected to have. I've felt lowered libido, sometimes abstaining from masturbation for up to 10 days (likely due to lack of motivation more than anything voluntary). I've felt heightened libido, sometimes masturbating up to 6 times in one day. I've felt the relief that comes from knowing it is achievable, "it" being anything in particular I've put in effort and work toward making a positive result happen. I've felt what might be true confidence for the first time in my life, a confidence I haven't even come close to feeling since 2005.
Seeing abs for the first time in my life, the results of months of hard work, and the resulting assurance that "it is achievable" was the catalyst for what I perceive to be an upswing in my life. I need another catalyst to solidify this upswing.
A Better Alex (ISTJ): EPRHA → ASC → AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …