Considering yoga and researching who's around me and what they offer. Find a location that has what I'm looking for and I decide to check out the instructors. Lo and behold one of them is a girl I remember from Tinder. We never even matched but I remember finding her so sexy and feeling the usual unworthiness in response. So there she is. Works close by in tight yoga clothes and I might becomes a member there. But part of me wants to avoid her, because being in her presence (though I should think of it as her being in mine) will make me feel worthless and unattractive. I'm talking about avoiding external sources which ignite my internal turmoil. But this is exactly what I have to face. I'm feeling anxiety about the situation. All of this triggered by a picture. Wanted to share because I've never put this behaviour into words before. Of course, what I really want is to feel like a man, an alpha—attractive, worthy, and outcome independent. I want to see her and feel not only that I deserve her, but that she would be lucky to have me. One of the hardest things right now is teeter-tottering between old habits and new ones. Alas I'm about to start stage 3. I need to push forward.
Whenever I question change because of how far gone I perceive myself to be, I tell myself:
Time is going to pass whether I like it or not. One day I'll look back and either regret that I did nothing, or celebrate the fruits of my labor.
I choose the latter.
Whenever I question change because of how far gone I perceive myself to be, I tell myself:
Time is going to pass whether I like it or not. One day I'll look back and either regret that I did nothing, or celebrate the fruits of my labor.
I choose the latter.