08-29-2016, 10:59 AM
I've passed the 32-day mark a few days ago, and I think it's time I put some more of my thoughts into words.
- I'm increasingly being drawn to politics. I mentioned before that I've been co-running a presidential candidate's campaign for the last few weeks. I'm feeling more and more that this is the right direction for me, spiritually. The copywriter John Carlton says in a seminar that copywriting is not about manipulating people, it's about loving people. The more you understand how people's minds work, the more you'll be able to love them. Well, this campaign (and all future ones, potentially) seems like an effective way to learn to love my fellow compatriots.
There's a lot of hate to be healed toward certain strata of the society here. It's already a soul-twisting experience, in the gentlest way possible thanks to E2... I just hope it's worth it. Ironically, I'm not exactly sure what "worth it" means at this point - I keep changing way too fast.
- My self-validation has hit uncomfortably high levels for me. I'm realizing that up until recently I've been a massive attention junkie... probably still am to a slightly lesser degree, lol. Still, I used to derive massive satisfaction out of people giving me attention for hours on end. Now this satisfaction fades away in a matter of minutes for any given person... as if I'm learning to give myself this new quality of attention I need in real time... hopefully that makes sense, lol. There's a bit of sadness there because of the fact that I'm no longer able to "connect" to other people through what were essentially my insecurities... but hopefully a new door will open. Seems that most of what "I" do is waiting for new doors to open... I'm wondering if that's what I get for running a sub that heals and matures me. Either that or I'm doing it wrong... hopefully the former.
- The loyalty I used to feel for my friends and acquaintances has subsided. Partly this is because of the few situations where I learned that I value some friendships far more deeply than the other people involved. Then again, partly it's because this idealistic, blind loyalty is being pushed away by actual maturity. This transition to self-reliance feels... lonely. Still, I'm hoping it really is just a transitional period to a state of mind where I can form more fulfilling friendships... although at this point I'm honestly more concerned with being able to find such people. One thing at a time, I guess.
Overall, as it might be obvious from my writing, I'm currently deeply uncertain about where my future is heading. It's overwhelming how much my perception has changed and keeps changing. For now, I'll trust the process, taking it one day at a time.
- I'm increasingly being drawn to politics. I mentioned before that I've been co-running a presidential candidate's campaign for the last few weeks. I'm feeling more and more that this is the right direction for me, spiritually. The copywriter John Carlton says in a seminar that copywriting is not about manipulating people, it's about loving people. The more you understand how people's minds work, the more you'll be able to love them. Well, this campaign (and all future ones, potentially) seems like an effective way to learn to love my fellow compatriots.
There's a lot of hate to be healed toward certain strata of the society here. It's already a soul-twisting experience, in the gentlest way possible thanks to E2... I just hope it's worth it. Ironically, I'm not exactly sure what "worth it" means at this point - I keep changing way too fast.
- My self-validation has hit uncomfortably high levels for me. I'm realizing that up until recently I've been a massive attention junkie... probably still am to a slightly lesser degree, lol. Still, I used to derive massive satisfaction out of people giving me attention for hours on end. Now this satisfaction fades away in a matter of minutes for any given person... as if I'm learning to give myself this new quality of attention I need in real time... hopefully that makes sense, lol. There's a bit of sadness there because of the fact that I'm no longer able to "connect" to other people through what were essentially my insecurities... but hopefully a new door will open. Seems that most of what "I" do is waiting for new doors to open... I'm wondering if that's what I get for running a sub that heals and matures me. Either that or I'm doing it wrong... hopefully the former.
- The loyalty I used to feel for my friends and acquaintances has subsided. Partly this is because of the few situations where I learned that I value some friendships far more deeply than the other people involved. Then again, partly it's because this idealistic, blind loyalty is being pushed away by actual maturity. This transition to self-reliance feels... lonely. Still, I'm hoping it really is just a transitional period to a state of mind where I can form more fulfilling friendships... although at this point I'm honestly more concerned with being able to find such people. One thing at a time, I guess.
Overall, as it might be obvious from my writing, I'm currently deeply uncertain about where my future is heading. It's overwhelming how much my perception has changed and keeps changing. For now, I'll trust the process, taking it one day at a time.