10-03-2016, 05:53 AM
(09-30-2016, 07:56 PM)LeoistheSun Wrote: Been listening as much as possible atleast at night.
I get this weird energy feeling. Nervousness, and it manifests itself like a shiver I guess. I dont really think I am cold.
My mother has been texting a guy, and recently hes gone off the deep end. They are not even intimate and yet he starts talking about fantasies and stuff over text. The other thing is, I know who this guy is and only after she divorced did he become blatantly interested.
She hasn't been clear over text that after that episode shes not interested. Its funny how women word things and its like "no you need to tell it like a 5 year old would understand."
I told her to text him "you've creeped me out, dont text/call me anymore."
For some reason this makes me nervous. Its the same energy I get/got when I went to a movie theater that a friend had dragged me along and I dont know anything about the movie or plot. As if I dont know what to expect.
And I have realized that now. Alot of things I become nervous about are because of that. I dont know what to expect. I bite my nails too. I think I do that when I am nervous- even though I dont feel it. I know I must be if I am biting my nails.
Being on my own and starting my website, has been a super big challenge for me. I dont know what to expect and that has been the biggest sticking point and obstacle for me. Its been difficult to start my days without thinking "am I just wasting my time?"
I know that unless you start, you'll never know what would have come of it. But its gotta be the no. 1 cause of my stress lately. I hated my job and I got tired of people telling me what to do about things I wasn't passionate about. But wondering about whats going to happen when there is no guarantee about that paycheck like a regular job.
You know?
I'm sure my mom is going to be just fine. But this nervous energy- YUCK! '
Its also why I dont watch the news, hate religion, though I am still in one.
I prefer my destiny and the world around me to be something that we create not that is pre-determined. It makes me feel uneasy. Nervous.
I would really like to shed this nervousness.
Its at the same time also crazy exciting to never know if your next paycheck is $10,000 or $5. I like certainty but at the same time I hate it too. You cant have both.
Or can you?
The nervous feeling is probably fear. The shiver is probably the body's release mechanism. I think when individuals have a lot of fear they unconsciously tighten their muscles and it holds off those feelings. But E2 has programming in it for deep muscular relaxation and I think when that happens the fear has nowhere to go except conscious awareness and it intensifies. During this process the body may exhibit strange things. I've had shoulder spasms, weird vibrations in my stomach, twitches in my thigh. You just gotta go with it and allow it to pass. But it's important not to overdo it, that's what I did with this sub. There's only so much fear your body can process before it starts to get overwhelmed.