A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[apollolux]

Oh I forgot to mention that in that dream after I was told about the mirror image, Peyton and Eli Manning dressed in suits walked in and challenged me to basketball and proceeded to school me before the party started.

[apollolux]

Wow. The blonde Russian one-itis just sent me a long, scathing text message full of insults. She previously called me on February 13th after months of us not talking.

I've left a lot of stuff out because I'm still processing what's happening, but it seems she's intent on ruining my life some more. Fantastic.

[stratos]

She's just horny. Tell her "9pm, my place, some things r btr in person"?

[apollolux]

She's just horny. Tell her "9pm, my place, some things r btr in person"?

She's calling me an "unappreciative pig who talks shit about all the girls I meet," so I don't currently think that line will work, but thanks.

Her interference has completely ruined the relationship I had with the lingerie model, who still thinks that this girl was influencing me and my behavior.

[apollolux]

Small update: I went to Starbucks to get a free frappuccino with my built up reward and saw a former one-itis. She looked pretty happy to see me and I didn't feel the tightening in my chest nor butterflies in my stomach that I used to feel when around her. She was there with a girlfriend (apparently she's bi now) who apparently lives nearby.

I'm surprised that I was able to remain composed around her, given how I ended our friendship years ago in a blubbering mess. To me this is a good sign I've improved and continue to improve.

[apollolux]

I have a sudden urge to text the blonde Russian that I forgive her because she wants me all to herself. Hm.

[apollolux]

Anger and frustration return. For some reason it feels like I've reverted to a state I have not felt in over a decade, a time when I used to have hair-trigger rage; the littlest thing used to set me off and now it feels like that could easily happen again currently. My neighbor's dogs, for example, very much test the limits of my patience with them, even though my rational mind knows they are of (theoretically) lesser intelligence.

A couple of days ago I began to add gingko biloba to my daily supplements regimen, but this anger was around before that. I reduced the times I use certain pheromones, as I need to save up my stock for more efficient occasions and my money for certain technology repairs that I've been putting off until my college financial aid deposited.

Daily supplements are now vitamin D3 5000 IU, zinc 50mg, indole-3-carbinol 200mg, 2 capsules horny goat weed, and 90mg+45mg gingko biloba. I also take Lexapro 5mg anti-depressant nightly as prescribed by a doctor.

Diet is weird. I've removed all supermarket chicken and replaced my soy-based protein bars (Clif Builders bars, chocolate peanut butter flavor) with whey-based protein bars (Quest bars, cookies & cream flavor). I've replaced the soy+whey protein based Bolthouse Farms Protein Plus Blended Coffee drinks with Bodytech Hexatein-SR cookies & cream flavor protein powder mixed with milk or half-and-half and used as the creamer to just-brewed coffee. I miss the taste of chicken, Clif bars, and Bolthouse Farms protein drinks.

Some of the anger may be about the changes in diet, probably at myself for various aspects of that change. There also seems to be a lot more frequent flip-flopping between the anger and indifference than there used to be. Haven't figured out just yet what specifically caused that level of disconnect.

[Benjamin]

I hate how there is soy in so many things. They tried to sell it as this healthy alternative, but especially for men it's really bad, creates estrogen in the body.

I think it's even in my protein powder, haven't found any without it :Z

EDIT: Actually just checked it doesn't seem to be in the one I use now, it just says "whey protein isolate" so hopefully that doesn't have soy in it.

[terry44]

I hate how there is soy in so many things. They tried to sell it as this healthy alternative, but especially for men it's really bad, creates estrogen in the body.

I think it's even in my protein powder, haven't found any without it :Z

EDIT: Actually just checked it doesn't seem to be in the one I use now, it just says "whey protein isolate" so hopefully that doesn't have soy in it.

Concentrate is healthier than isolate. I use the Impact Whey Protein from My Protein. Very good value and quality. I buy it in 5 kg bags.

[RTBoss]

...Impact Whey Protein from My Protein. Very good value and quality. I buy it in 5 kg bags.

LabDoor agrees with you, Terry.

[apollolux]

Attempted to replace a display assembly on a phone last night. I almost succeeded but it seems the touch receptor wasn't working, and when I suction cupped the top off I apparently ruined the LCD.

I only mention it because the anger I felt afterwards was intense, nearly my worst, and it was all directed at myself for being impatient about it. Now in order to feel like I didn't just throw $50 down the drain that I can't afford again I'm going to have to figure out how to return it for a refund or exchange properly.

[apollolux]

Wow. I just received a call from my college's Dean's office telling me a student complained about me and to come in tomorrow at 4pm. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach I haven't had since 2002 when my ex-girlfriend tried to get me expelled from high school, which means my feeling is that it's the blonde Russian, and if it is indeed her I will almost certainly have the desire to utterly destroy her.

I have no idea how I'm going to handle myself tomorrow; let's hope that the facts and the truth remain on my side.

[RTBoss]

They probably won't tell you who it is, to protect the person from any backlash. Get your head straight now, before the meeting. Go in there, with the truth, and face it down without resistance. Be polite, not defensive. "Yes sir, yes ma'am." Then let it go. Whoever you think it is who's responsible, forgive them, blow it off, and walk away clean. I wouldn't even acknowledge a thing to the person. Don't give them any more power by allowing them to know you're irked.

[apollolux]

Had the initial meeting today. As RTBoss said, they don't want retaliation towards the reporting student, and I fully understand that.

Since they didn't directly say what happened I had to guess and from their responses it was likely a misunderstanding by a girl I asked out during the early days of ASC. It's policy to conduct an investigation since it falls under "misconduct" so I have to wait until next week or so for updates.