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NEXT ROUND
07-21-2017, 04:00 PM
Post: #21
RE: NEXT ROUND
So first month complete. Now...

I have to find an apartment within a week.
I need to catch up at work... focus is difficult.
Launching a product soon and my team needs me.

Do I switch to MLS 5.5g? Or continue raping myself with AM6?

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07-22-2017, 06:33 AM
Post: #22
RE: NEXT ROUND
You should definitely not quit AM6. I have done that multiple times and always find myself keeping coming back to it--better to get the full run out of the way now and then move onto MLS, which will always be there as time goes on.

Like snowfall, you cry a silent storm
Your tears paint rivers on this oaken wall. . .


-- Agalloch, The Mantle
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07-22-2017, 06:42 AM
Post: #23
RE: NEXT ROUND
Okay mental rape it is! Lmao

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07-26-2017, 07:35 PM
Post: #24
RE: NEXT ROUND
Day 5 Stage 2,

After deciding to run the course fully, regardless of my dire need for MLS (presumably it works), I have decided to actually contribute something for a change.

Stage 1 has hit me full force with emotions and disrupted a few negative cycles (in particular the cycle of disagreeing -> fighting -> crying). Another disrupted cycle was that of not acting upon injustice. As a result I have plucked the snakes out of my garden per se; two of them to be exact. Both were dealt with through public outbursts (which is a great way to scare off a snake). I have regained some ground in self-respect, and tend to stand up for myself and those I care for. Now is all this possibly placebo? It very well could be.

Now as for my fighting goals... I have managed to stick to BJJ for over a month and week and get promoted. Today alone, I have pulled some moves that felt so beautiful, so raw, so primal. However, good things do not last, and I was quickly reminded of how much more training is required: I was paired with a monster and got humbled. Although, no matter how many times I tapped to him, I got back in there to try again with full heart. It is tough to have no immediate response to a problem, other than years of training. Month by dreaded month, I will get there. As for the hours, I can get about 8-12 consistently. Not at all satisfactory for me, but other priorities for now.

As much as I don't want to write about my pains and complaints, I do have to mention that I am going through a fierce mental struggle on how to dedicate my life. I.e... ->What do I want to focus on? -> Why not do both? -> Won't my effectiveness suffer? -> I want to become THE master. -> Can't burnout. I need a life. -> I don't want to take forever to reach my goals. -> Do just one goal. -> Which ONE? -> Fighting? -> But I started so late -> Not that late, can still do it. What about my other goal? -> Can still pursue it while working -> But it's so painstakingly slow...

As you can see, MLS would be heaven for me, but I promised.

Anyways, I have become much more attuned to social environments and details. Watching Game of Thrones helps. Losing my fear of failure possibly contributes to this as well. Oh the countless times I have failed this past month and still survived...

If I could change one thing though, it would be the hostility I receive from some. Road rage counts have gone up (and not from my end). One drunk tried to fight me and his friends immediately held him back. The last week of stage 1 felt like a giant test to see if I learned anything. If this is the easy stage, I DONT want to imagine the "BIG GUNS". What will happen then? Slight anxiety attacks here and there which have subsided by now... as you can see why I would get them...

Also no sex with girlfriend for two weeks. No fap for longer. Some withdrawals too.

Last thing I noticed, which I know is resistance, is my recent addiction to sugar and caffeine. Will take care of that soon.

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07-26-2017, 09:09 PM
Post: #25
RE: NEXT ROUND
The conflict you're attracting I noticed atleast for me it was mostly in Stage 1 and 2 of each version of AM.

I don't know what it is, but in the early stages it would bring on aggression from other guys just staring me down or other things. I remember on AM6 down the street some guy just glaring at me like he wanted to smash me and walking right towards me then followed me and stopped when I weaved in between a car because I was aware of what was going on. I found it mostly happened in nightclubs more than anything, as it's the environment for it.. you know just add alcohol and people act unpredictably.

Then in the later stages, especially on the second run I just wasn't attracting it, and started doing security again and I was way more centered in myself and any aggression that did happen I was calm and centered enough to shut it down that way without resorting to the physical like I used to way too much.
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blackwing Z
07-27-2017, 02:08 PM
Post: #26
RE: NEXT ROUND
That reminds me : I had one instance where I caught my anger brewing early on and held myself back from doing something stupid. I am proud of that. Generally my sentiment is to say screw it and go off of emotion, even if it is costly to me. I have been trying not to "self-sabotage" (keyword).

Today exhaustion hit me hard. I was damn near stumbling on words towards end of work day. Also felt some frustration about feeling "retarded" although I may just not communicate properly or be overtly tired from subs.

After my nap, I plan to do something productive.

STILL on no fap. Gave up 30DaysOfDiscipline challenge ages ago. Considering it again. Hopefully the more and more I bombard myself with, the more sticks. I can use AM6 to gather as much knowledge as possible and then MLS to EDUCE something pretty.

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07-27-2017, 02:12 PM
Post: #27
RE: NEXT ROUND
(06-30-2017 07:35 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote:  30 hours is insane but you'll be a beast. I'm clocking 12-15 hours of Thai each week and it's absolutely grueling on my body. Was getting so burned out that I actually cut some hours this week. Probably only hitting around eight. You taking anything for recovery?


I've been burning out with 30 too, so I am dropping hours lower. For now atleast. Perhaps I'll have more energy/ time management later.

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07-27-2017, 02:54 PM
Post: #28
RE: NEXT ROUND
For sure it's a result of my IDGAF attitude years ago, but my social media and presentation of myself are unacceptable. I want to excel.

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07-29-2017, 01:40 PM
Post: #29
RE: NEXT ROUND
Yesterday I meditated and felt insane pain again.

Today I'm easily angered.

Considering buying MLS for my gf. I wanna see how she likes it.

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08-03-2017, 02:44 PM
Post: #30
RE: NEXT ROUND
Well I've switched to MLS for past few days. I've had enough AM6. MLS is treating me well so far. Very productive at work. Post it notes and organizing and timed work/rest intervals. The reason I know it's not placebo is because I would normally give up after a day or two. This has been four consistent days.

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08-03-2017, 02:46 PM
Post: #31
RE: NEXT ROUND
But it could very well be abstinence from sex and porn.. two weeks counting besides for one time I had sex this week.

Recovering with injuries and a rash on foot.

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08-05-2017, 11:00 PM
Post: #32
RE: NEXT ROUND
weakest day at jiu jitsu yesterday. also broke no fap. hopping back on that train. the withdrawals become too much.. honestly.

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08-08-2017, 07:09 PM
Post: #33
RE: NEXT ROUND
consistently focusing more at work.

beat everyone at jiu jitsu today, pulling off moves ive never before... i went from ties to multiple wins, almost over night. nearly landed a triangle too. more fluid at work and conversing... blah blah blah. will see in a month, now is too early to tell.

back on the nofap train and going to spend a few hours just sorting out chores in my life. fun fun

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08-09-2017, 07:05 PM
Post: #34
RE: NEXT ROUND
Okay, so I was going to complain about how hard life is... but honestly.. i am seeing solutions now.. i will get more sleep and handle all my business.

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08-11-2017, 03:55 AM
Post: #35
RE: NEXT ROUND
Okay, so maybe I should address everything one step at a time:

1)woke up early for once
2)gonna get to work early
3)day 3nofap..

Still no morning ritual... gotta do that
MMA later today

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08-11-2017, 05:19 PM
Post: #36
RE: NEXT ROUND
Not really noticing MLS effects at bjj today...

Anyways, feeling more stability. Perhaps this will be the program to bring my discipline up to next level, along with efficiency. I hope.

So much to tackle

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08-13-2017, 04:15 PM
Post: #37
RE: NEXT ROUND
wow.... I spent two hours on rolling/sparring and did really well. Not a single time have I been tapped. I have tapped two however. This intense session was a day after running 4miles, and full body workout. I ate a few healthy meals, lots of fruits, veggies and chicken both days (not forgetting water).

STILL on nofap (day 5). Urges are strong at times, but I find something else to do.

Procrastinating a bit on two things that are important to me. I am hoping I can tackle first thing in morning when I wake up.

About to go for another workout/run. I am very motivated to lose this weight.

Movies are boring, TV is boring...

Im a little upset that I havent taken my career so seriously as of late, nor my relationship. I am trying, but nowhere near enough intensity/strategy behind it.

Last night's run did clear my head a bit, allowing myself to accept alot about my situation, giving me a new perspective. Definitely worthwhile.

Also I noticed that many people CLAIM they want to train hard after class... YET, when I call them, they are always TOO tired or not in mood, blah blah blah.

Anyways, really want to wake up early tomorrow, again.

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08-14-2017, 03:59 PM
Post: #38
RE: NEXT ROUND
MLS day 14... nofap day 6... dieting day 4...

Okay, withdrawals and resistance probably, but feeling like a tart cart. Brain is too slow and not clever enough. It really bugs me.

Maybe its because I busted my ass off this weekend and today at work and after...

I have been way too passive in life. I feel like all I do is talk about feelings and pretend im gonna become somebody, but when do I actually do it? It's always tomorrow... ****

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08-17-2017, 05:33 PM
Post: #39
RE: NEXT ROUND
MLS day 17, no willy wankin day 9, dieting day 7...

No Bjj this week. Too busy. Almost got a new apartment after searching.

Very productive at work besides for today... was burnt from previous days of hustling.

Pieces of the puzzle are putting themselves together.

Insanely difficult time with not slapping the worm. I want to, but I know its better for me if I dont. I tease myself with, oh just a little.. I wont watch anything or nut, butt still... I feel the pull and the urge. I just gotta run it off or workout or work. Plenty of work to do...

Some moments of bliss though...

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08-21-2017, 04:20 PM
Post: #40
RE: NEXT ROUND
MLS Day 21, NoFaa day 3 (oh well), dieting day 11...

I actually want to achieve my goal physique, the one I've dreamed about at 17.

I want to achieve my dream money goals.

So much to get done this week, it feels impossible, but I am going to challenge myself. It's very exciting.

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