My Program for a Better Me

[AbiDrew85]

Okay... Thanks to a very healthy check from school financial aid and the recent Crazy Sale, I now have the following programs:

• Maximize Your Breast Size (4g Type C)
  
• Alpha Female (4g Hybrid)
  
• Arm Hair Depilatory for Women (experimental 4g Type C)
  
• Develop a More Feminine Voice (3g Type C)
  
• Life Tune Up (3g Hybrid)
  
• and Overcoming Guilt, Shame, and Fear (4g Type B)
  

(And special thanks to Subeternal for making sure I could get my subs! Even though the sale wound up going longer than originally planned, I felt better for knowing I was getting in on it for sure!)

I have from previous downloads:

• Extreme Self Esteem (3g Type B)
  
• Absolute Self Confidence (5g)
  

I have determined via some brief experimentation that I can NOT use more than 2 subs at a time if even ONE of them is 4g. (So, IE, I can't do ESE+OGSF+Voice.) So with that in mind, the following is my plan of attack for the next 2 years:

I intend to use OGSF and Voice (Type B 4g with Type C 3g) for the next 3 months (90 days), at which point I will assess the situation and either continue Voice and move on to Extreme Self Esteem from OGSF or move on entirely to Life Tune Up and Arm Hair Depilatory for Women.

If I continue to use Voice I will use it and ESE together (Type B 3g with Type C 3g) for an additional 3 months and THEN move on to LTU + Depilatory (3g hybrid with 4g Type C). If I move on entirely then I will begin to use LTU for 32 days per stage and run Depilatory for an indeterminate period of time based on feedback from Shannon as I provide feedback to him on the experimental sub. If I finish using Depilatory before LTU I will begin a one month refresh each of OGSF and Voice, and then back to Depilatory again (IF complete removal had not already occurred and Shannon and I think there might be a possibility of a break and return helping.)

At this point I will be anywhere from 9 months to a year from now and will only have ASC, Breast Enhancement, and Alpha Female left.

I have already completed one round of ASC... HOWEVER! I believe that my problems with fear, guilt, shame, and self esteem have held me back from achieving what I ought to have from that sub... So... If I still have any time left in 2013 by this point, I will finish the year doing a refresh of ASC.

I will begin 2014 using Breast Enhancement, and, if necessary, doing OGSF/ESE refreshes. Maybe there might be other subs in the shop by then that I'd want to do and could be paired with the BE set. By then I should be in better financial conditions since I will have graduated from school in July this year and should by this time next year have a solid cosmetologist job and be doing well on wages and commission.

After completion of the BE set I will finally complete my transformation with Alpha Female. Why am I saving AF for last? Well. A few reasons.

First. It is my humble belief that crazy and severe hormone fluctuations are a necessary part of proper female breast development. Not JUST size, but tanner stages as well. And I want the most complete most feminine breasts possible. Not necessarily the biggest, though a pretty large size will probably be necessary for my frame to be proportionate. And after reading through the Usage PDF supplied with AF, I noted that it mentioned curbing female hormone fluctuations. Even if I am misunderstanding this part, the next two reasons remain applicable.

Second. Part of AF is to make me a more sexual being. I presently have VERY strong reasons to NOT become sexually active in any way, but maybe, possibly, with any luck, a year and a half from now those... difficulties... might be able to be eliminated. Even if these strong reasons for abstinence are not a hindrance to the remainder of AF, the final point still remains applicable...

And the third, and final, but certainly not least, reason, is that I have quite a lot of baggage to be dealt with. Why launch directly into AF without first dealing with the baggage if I can make it easier for AF by cleaning house first?

This program begins tonight. And already I am noticing surprisingly little resistance to the Voice sub and every danged bit of resistance I was quite fully expecting towards OGSF. I knew OGSF was going to be a rough one for me... But by the time I finish it, the changes will be incredible. I am one very fearful little girl

Granted.... I've had VERY good reason to be... but no more! I promised myself over a year ago that now was the time for this silent girl to take to flight. And fly I shall.

(The phrasing of the last two sentences is borrowed from a very emotionally powerful Yuki Kajiura song, titled "Fiction".)

[AbiDrew85]

So I woke up late this morning and feeling EXTREMELY tired still. But I'm definitely speaking a little differently. I'm not sure if it's at all what I should ultimately be speaking like, but it's rather amazing there's any change at all this quickly.

On the OGSF front, I'm still feeling a great deal of resistance there, but as I said, I'm expecting this.

[AbiDrew85]

OK... So the voice changes faded fairly quickly after leaving the influence range of the sub...

So it would seem that at least for me, part of this battle is going to be learning to SUSTAIN changes.

And OGSF is hitting like a Mack truck on nitro.

[Shannon]

You're going to find that physical changes take time to become permanent, in terms of shifting the size of the vocal chords, etc. You can achieve an impact simply by subconsciously tightening them. Eventually the change should be more physical, and therefore self sustaining.

If OGSF is hitting hard, congratulations. You're using the right program to achieve maximum benefit.

[AbiDrew85]

About voice: interesting... and the physical part should take weeks to begin to manifest?

And thanks... as soon as you announced work on OGSF in your journal I knew it was going to be a program I'd need before I could really get anywhere with most anything else.

[Shannon]

Honestly, I don't know. Have had far too little feedback to be certain for the physical changes on voice.

[AbiDrew85]

Fair enough. I shall certainly strive to keep you posted on my experience with it.

[Shannon]

Much appreciated. All feedback is good feedback.

[AbiDrew85]

I don't know yet if I've caught a cold and just HAPPENED to start experiencing symptoms the day after starting these programs or if it is somehow related to the programs. I am, however, having cold like symptoms mostly concentrated in the throat. Lots of phlegm, some congestion. Some soreness in the throat. Coughing.

I am not so far having any other cold symptoms, so it's very curious, normally when I get a cold it starts more nasal, and I'd already have a ton of pressure built up around my eyes long before it reaches my throat.

[Shannon]

The changes it would be seeking would not produce those symptoms.

[AbiDrew85]

Yeah... it is definitely a cold. It's spread to everywhere else now. Ugh. Including the nastiest headache.

[Shannon]

Sorry to hear you have a cold. Try uding Maximum Healing Speed. Eventually I'm going to put one out designed based on the Optimus Engine to help fight cold and flu and minimize them as much as possible.

[AbiDrew85]

Well... Sorry for not updating this for so long. It was difficult really to figure what was from the programs and what was from the flu, which I even later realized I REALLY had. Well.. Hopefully it was the nasty one and I'm safe now

Additionally, I'm just so darned busy! Between school and all the other demands on my time I'm just not sure even where I'd left my head at half the time!

And Shannon, I appreciate the consideration in offering that program... BUT... I chose to just push through and take the time off school to recover my usual way. I'm generally a pretty fast recover-er anyways, and this was no exception. I took till Thursday the 17th off, but by a week after I'd posted that I thought I'd caught something, I was back and attum.

So, here's my observations so far:

On the Voice, I seem to be making slow but definite progress. I find myself tending to randomly rise in octaves more often, almost like my voice is cracking, but backwards. It's definitely interesting.

On OGSF, again slow but definite progress. It seems that somehow my fears are being made more tangible, more recognizable, at this point. I still HAVE them. But I recognize them. And other people are also recognizing them and telling me about them. I don't know if that's an intended part of the sub or not, but it's certainly helping.

Guilt and Shame have seen the most remarkable change. I really don't feel any shame at all anymore, I can TELL that I'm putting myself out there a bit more, which is probably part of why people are noticing my fear more. Guilt is still there in large part, but I'm finding myself wondering why the heck did I just apologize for that, it wasn't anything at all to apologize for! About various things where feelings of guilt drove me to apologize for things I really didn't need to apologize for.

So. Progress is certainly being made. It's going slow. But I was figuring on that.

BTW: The Voice sub is STILL having an effect on my general inflections and such, not just physical. The effects are beginning to turn permanent, while others are being introduced or lengthened more and more towards permanence. Or at least "permanent" for now - but I'm still presently using the program! We'll see how permanent it is after I start the next leg of this journey!

Since I am already seeing decent progress and I'm not even halfway through the 3 months I'd originally slated for these programs I am thinking that at that 3 month mark I will quite probably be going to LTU + Depilatory, not holding either back for a previous program.

While I was expecting a lot out of OGSF, I wasn't sure how FAST to expect it, and it's actually coming a little faster that I'd expected!

Voice I wasn't sure what to expect at all. Shannon's not had a whole lot of input on that program before now to begin with, and we've got my own background to consider which might have made things more difficult, or had no effect at all.

I don't know if this is what would fall under my background having no effect on the outcome at all or my background simply slowing it slightly, but I am definitely taking to the Voice sub as well.

Anyhooo...

I'll try to be better about this in the future. It's tough though with school and everything else that demands my time.

PS: ANNNNND just who voted against my program you big meany?! But no, seriously. Who voted against it? I'd like to know why you don't think this will be a good plan of attack for me?

[Shannon]

I appreciate the feedback. Most intriguing.