11-19-2018, 06:30 PM
I was using E2, but it was very powerful and some very deeply buried shit got brought up that I'm still dealing with.
That's a whole story of it's own though.
Although I admit I smoked weed 24/7 to help get through my issues when I listened to that, which wasn't the best idea, but I was psychologically addicted.
Now, whenever I smoke weed, a sense of fear, dread and panic arises, so I'm off that shit.
I take responsibility for having done that, but what's done is done.
Now, I'm worried about the effects of listening to E2.
So I'm listening to this because I feel it's probably less extreme. I've tried twice to listen to E2 and got through 2 months before quitting both times.
First time, I stopped for different reasons, but the second time was because a lot of paranoid fear started coming up and I think it may be due to the mixture of E2 bringing up deep seated issues, me being really sensitive to it (I think you once said something about low willpower people being really sensitive to these. And I admit, without being proud of it, that I tend not to have very high willpower) and the ego-suppressing effects of the powerful weed I was smoking.
It's like, I get paranoid about very irrational things, but I think it's really OLD emotions arising from buried places and I don't have access to whatever experience is causing this fear.
So I'm a little hesitant to go back on E2.
I'm getting therapy (although I don't know how much this guy helps) and I'm getting psychiatric help as well. I'm practically on a whole pharmacy now, and it seems to be helping.
Although I admit I've considered it at times. But it's so powerful and the effects so far have been, well, more than I could handle. Although again, maybe that was more the weed than the sub. I dunno. I'm afraid to test it out.
That's a whole story of it's own though.
Although I admit I smoked weed 24/7 to help get through my issues when I listened to that, which wasn't the best idea, but I was psychologically addicted.
Now, whenever I smoke weed, a sense of fear, dread and panic arises, so I'm off that shit.
I take responsibility for having done that, but what's done is done.
Now, I'm worried about the effects of listening to E2.
So I'm listening to this because I feel it's probably less extreme. I've tried twice to listen to E2 and got through 2 months before quitting both times.
First time, I stopped for different reasons, but the second time was because a lot of paranoid fear started coming up and I think it may be due to the mixture of E2 bringing up deep seated issues, me being really sensitive to it (I think you once said something about low willpower people being really sensitive to these. And I admit, without being proud of it, that I tend not to have very high willpower) and the ego-suppressing effects of the powerful weed I was smoking.
It's like, I get paranoid about very irrational things, but I think it's really OLD emotions arising from buried places and I don't have access to whatever experience is causing this fear.
So I'm a little hesitant to go back on E2.
I'm getting therapy (although I don't know how much this guy helps) and I'm getting psychiatric help as well. I'm practically on a whole pharmacy now, and it seems to be helping.
Although I admit I've considered it at times. But it's so powerful and the effects so far have been, well, more than I could handle. Although again, maybe that was more the weed than the sub. I dunno. I'm afraid to test it out.