I ran kind of a test yesterday. There were certain songs that I could listen to that would bring up painful memories, especially of one of my exes. The last one before my wife who I really had deep feelings for (I just used the F word. That doesn’t happen often). I had been listening to them often, and it really put me in a bad emotional state. I realize now that I was wallowing on purpose, and had been for a long time. Without really getting into it, I suppose I was using an idealized vision of that relationship, and an obsession with it to keep myself from really moving on and living the life I could. This is probably out of fear of something like what happened happening again.
Anyway, at some point after I started on USLM, I stopped doing that. My music listening changed to stuff that was a bit more positive (at least to me, I’m a heavy metal fan. ) and in a way inspirational.
Yesterday I went through the entire playlist, and it didn’t cause me an ounce of pain. I still thought of her, but the whole thing had been reframed in my mind. I’m no longer thinking of how bad I feel that She left, I’m thinking of how bad she screwed up when she left. I know now that over the years I’ve become someone she’d be damned lucky to wind up with. It’s her loss, not mine. That’s a pretty major sign that something is changing.
ADDM: Writing the above, and that line of thinking brought on the euphoric feeling I’ve talked about when listening, and I’m on day two of my ASRB break.
Anyway, at some point after I started on USLM, I stopped doing that. My music listening changed to stuff that was a bit more positive (at least to me, I’m a heavy metal fan. ) and in a way inspirational.
Yesterday I went through the entire playlist, and it didn’t cause me an ounce of pain. I still thought of her, but the whole thing had been reframed in my mind. I’m no longer thinking of how bad I feel that She left, I’m thinking of how bad she screwed up when she left. I know now that over the years I’ve become someone she’d be damned lucky to wind up with. It’s her loss, not mine. That’s a pretty major sign that something is changing.
ADDM: Writing the above, and that line of thinking brought on the euphoric feeling I’ve talked about when listening, and I’m on day two of my ASRB break.