07-16-2018, 07:12 AM
(07-16-2018, 05:24 AM)Tigerismyspirit Wrote: Shannon, I've run 7 loops of B last 9 days and I watched porn and masturbated to it 3 days. Also, I went to a strip club and spent money on lap dances since I hadn't gotten any sexual pleasure. I had lost total interest in visiting strip clubs on 3.1 and 3.2 with the lower number of loops. Saturday, before watching porn and fapping, my mind was persuading me to give up DMSI by saying, "**** it! DMSI isn't doing anything. Watch porn and fap." So, I spent the entire day watching porn and fapping. I did the same thing yesterday too. Along with those, I had too much rage about the societal conditioning and my family's upbringing of me. I feel now I should have transmuted that rage and sexual energy into something productive to achieve the goal. But my mind tricked me into staying home and doing nothing over the weekend. Nothing at all.
Now, what is special about it is it took years for me to totally eliminate porn from my life. I used to be a porn addict and it engulfed almost 5 years of my life. I was able to totally remove it after years of trial and error 3 years ago. I reset my brain, I was enjoying my life. But this kind of IDGAF attitude brought up by 7 loops of B is totally unusual. I feel very meek and scared today. I regret about the relapse. I know a lot of disadvantages that can be brought by porn and masturbation to porn specially to one's brain. I researched a lot since I needed to get myself out of it in order to change my life. This relapse is creating a lot of anger in me now and I literally want to burst like a bomb. I can feel the rage trying to come out of my skin specially my hands and my legs. I wish I could kick and punch everything in front of me.
I wonder this IDGAF attitude is a loophole to prevent one from achieving any of the goal of DMSI. Please suggest me what I should do and also if you could close this loophole in 3.3 that would be fantastic.
So it sounds to me like what you are experiencing is a very scared little boy inside you is trying his damnedest to resist the program by reversal, deception and creating a situation in which it becomes disadvantageous to run DMSI. Disincentive, as it were.
First, I would say that you should be on A, bot B, with your reactions, if you are going to run DMSI. This screams "resistance in multiple directions at once". It also means the program is touching a nerve somewhere, and your subconscious is freaking out and doing whatever it can to fight the program.
If there is a loophole, it is that I don't yet know how to stop and prevent reversal resistance and resistance in general. The best efforts I have been able to come up with at the time of 3.2 exist within 3.2, at least those that have been released to the public. A big issue that you seem to face is that you are refusing to take personal responsibility for your choices and actions; it is always a choice what we do in response to an urge, desire or want, and it is a conscious choice. You keep choosing to allow your subconscious desires to win.
If I were in your shoes, I would switch to 3.2-A at 7 loops, and try to do everything in my power to consciously resist the urge to do what you know DMSI is trying to prevent.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!