07-31-2018, 03:51 PM
You know if I had to rate my life from 1-10 on how stressful it is for me it would be a 9. And to me that's ridiculous. It shouldn't be that high. I'm not in poverty, I'm not in a hostile environment, I'm not fighting to survive. But it's felt like for my whole life I've just never had a moment to breathe. That's what I really want out of life, to get rid of this never ending anxiety.
I'm going to be experimenting with the masked version of DMSI instead of the hybrid. I've been trying to power through for a while now and I was worried dropping the hybrid was a resistance tactic, but I don't really know. I have to at least see what the difference is. Who knows maybe the masked would work better and the resistance is keeping me on the hybrid. All of this is still experimentation for me so I might as well exhaust every option before I form a conclusion.
Of course having said all that I fully recognize I put all that stress on myself. My ridiculous demands to be great at everything I do, my criticisms when I screw up or come up short, my need to come across as good enough in the eyes of others, etc. So much shit I put on myself, it's no wonder I'm not happy a lot of the time. I'm carrying a ridiculous amount on my shoulders that I don't need to. I just need to let it all go. But I think it's all just learned behavior for what keeps me "safe". But I need to move beyond that.
I'm going to be experimenting with the masked version of DMSI instead of the hybrid. I've been trying to power through for a while now and I was worried dropping the hybrid was a resistance tactic, but I don't really know. I have to at least see what the difference is. Who knows maybe the masked would work better and the resistance is keeping me on the hybrid. All of this is still experimentation for me so I might as well exhaust every option before I form a conclusion.
Of course having said all that I fully recognize I put all that stress on myself. My ridiculous demands to be great at everything I do, my criticisms when I screw up or come up short, my need to come across as good enough in the eyes of others, etc. So much shit I put on myself, it's no wonder I'm not happy a lot of the time. I'm carrying a ridiculous amount on my shoulders that I don't need to. I just need to let it all go. But I think it's all just learned behavior for what keeps me "safe". But I need to move beyond that.
INFP