05-17-2018, 02:43 PM
(05-17-2018, 04:02 AM)Determined Wrote:(05-17-2018, 03:51 AM)mat422 Wrote: Well been having a think about all this. Not just dmsi but my life in general. I've concluded that this all stems from a fear of change. Yes I have self worth issues, perfectionism, anxiety, and whatever else impeded my happiness in life. But the only thing keeping those around is being too afraid to embrace something new. So I just hide behind this notion that there is more healing to do. It's a false sense of progress. The mind thinks I'm putting in consistently hard work working through my issues, when really I'm just prolonging them and making them more complicated than they are to avoid actual change.
I came to this conclusion when I realized I do the same stuff with my music. There's always one more thing I feel I need to tweak or get right then I'll finish the song. But guess what? I never finish the song because there was nothing wrong with what I was tweaking in the first place. It was just a convenient excuse.
This fear of change is completely irrational. Even something positive I'm fearful of. I've noticed the closer I get to getting attraction from women, the more my mind rejects it. Like I think to myself oh shit I hope she's not attracted to me. It's frustrating.
Dude, I just realised that I reject women first so that they won't "reject me" even when they're showing interest. Its funny how the mind works to trick us away from what we really want.
Yup, I do the same thing. Which had me thinking about my friends and even my younger brother. All been in relationships, all had casual sex at some point. No they weren't killing it like some sort of player. But it really made me think. What the hell am I doing so wrong that I can't even get to that point? It's honestly not about getting laid at this point. It's about just finally dealing with this incredibly dysfunctional part of my life.
Basically I see it like this. If there's attraction all I have to do is get the hell out of my own way and let it happen. No routines, no over thinking, no trying to do anything, just being myself. Honestly I don't want it any other way. I don't want to have to think about this stuff anymore than I do while doing something mundane like cooking eggs.
I honestly think I just set the bar way way way too freakin high for what it takes for a girl to be attracted to me. So 9/10 I'd pretty much disqualify myself right off the bat or even ignore attraction from incredibly attractive women.
INFP