10-30-2018, 03:13 PM
Had a dream that felt significant. The theme was light vs dark. There were a group of individuals who were "good" and represented the light. Then there were the "bad" individuals who were part of the dark. I saw the light and the dark differences. The light wanted to destroy things like demons out of fear, but the demons only attacked because they were hunted. Both sides seek to eliminate one another due to fear of being eliminated themselves.
I think this might be symbolic of my lifelong struggle with trying to be compassionate towards others, but at the same time not be taken advantage of or abused. The overly compassionate side would stomp out the more "dark" side that had to do with expressing anger or being more aggressive. But sometimes the "dark" side would cancel out the compassion as it was easier than trying to juggle two ideologies at once. I think what I'm really getting at is that it feels like there is a lack of integration of my whole being. Certain emotions and feelings still get categorized as bad, but they still come from within me.
In my last post I talked about being in the eye of the storm and letting these things pass. But now I'm seeing they aren't roadblocks that can be overcome by merely ignoring them. It's not the emotions themselves, it's the underlying piece of myself that generates these emotions. I was still addressing things from a shallower depth. Constantly clearing and letting go of emotions, but the source was largely untouched. It's like baling out water in a sinking boat, without fixing the hole the water will keep flooding in.
I thought if I just rode out the emotions, I'd eventually reach a clear state. But I'm starting to think that's not how this works. Emotional trauma isn't queued up in your body like some storage you release from. You have to find the source that generates it and fix that.
I think this might be symbolic of my lifelong struggle with trying to be compassionate towards others, but at the same time not be taken advantage of or abused. The overly compassionate side would stomp out the more "dark" side that had to do with expressing anger or being more aggressive. But sometimes the "dark" side would cancel out the compassion as it was easier than trying to juggle two ideologies at once. I think what I'm really getting at is that it feels like there is a lack of integration of my whole being. Certain emotions and feelings still get categorized as bad, but they still come from within me.
In my last post I talked about being in the eye of the storm and letting these things pass. But now I'm seeing they aren't roadblocks that can be overcome by merely ignoring them. It's not the emotions themselves, it's the underlying piece of myself that generates these emotions. I was still addressing things from a shallower depth. Constantly clearing and letting go of emotions, but the source was largely untouched. It's like baling out water in a sinking boat, without fixing the hole the water will keep flooding in.
I thought if I just rode out the emotions, I'd eventually reach a clear state. But I'm starting to think that's not how this works. Emotional trauma isn't queued up in your body like some storage you release from. You have to find the source that generates it and fix that.
INFP