04-09-2011, 09:25 AM
(04-09-2011, 07:23 AM)mat422 Wrote: So I'm coming more to the realization and really understanding the concept of wanting things that I don't have. Particularly in the women department. As a kid growing up I was horrible with girls, probably only hung out with them on occasion. Either way it was always something I wanted more than anything because I never had it. I think it grew into an obsession as I got older because I felt it was something I needed to possess, no longer wanted to possess. I didn't feel secure in myself because I didn't have a lot of experience and because of that I felt like less of a person. I don't think I actually wanted women, I wanted to be good with women, basically an ego thing. My damaged ego as a kid was looking for fulfillment based off a horrible deranged way that would never lead me to peace.
Now that I understand where the neediness comes from I see how my validation wasn't coming from a place inside of me. My validation was based on how good I am with women. So as long as validation was coming from an outside source I would never feel internally fulfilled.
Of course this doesn't make me a master of seduction or the ultimate ladies man lol. But it's made me realize that women shouldn't be a goal in my life, I should take the time to do what I want to do and meet women along the way. I'd rather have internal peace and calm than always trying to get more and more women. I'm happy doing my own thing, and that's enough for me, anything else is just the icing on the cake.
I could tell that post was from the heart and believe me you're not alone. I wasn't as good with girls when I was young either, and I suppose it stuck with me but trust me Mat, there are very few men who can say that they've ALWAYS been successful with women.
Besides, the fact that you are seeking internal peace is a sign of maturity (which is ironic, seeing as how we're both pretty young lol). By the time you get to stage 6 you'll be amazed at how far you've come. Hell, I'm sure you've probably developed more internally than the average guy does in 30 years.
