RainbowAbyssAlpha

[Cortez]

Stage 5 felt like a good thing long term-and ok thing short term.
Did I feel good by the end of it, no-not at all, I was completely uninspired, didn't care about anything and could barely bring myself to go to my job. So that is a bad thing in my opinion.
What was good about it? IDK?, same with stage 4. There were definitely moments-sometimes weeks at a time where I was on fire with everything in my life but its hard to say if that was the sub, at the time I thought it was.
On fire-meaning I was doing awesome at work-socializing was a blast and easy, things were coming way way, I was going on dates and pushing myself in all areas of my life. A couple women showed up in my life, like literally met them on my front door step.
Its so hard to say what these stages do because they seem like a part of me by the time I notice anything different.
I've listed the positive benefits of stage 5 in a few posts before this and those still hold true.
Essentially it came down to this, if I was living a repeating pattern stage 5 made me feel like crap, in new environments or socializing, or doing new things, (when I could bring myself to), stage 5 made me feel much better and things went better.
Life felt extremely hard during stage 4 and a less hard during stage 5.
By the end of stage 5 I did not feel at all like I hoped I would but at the same time I don't care anymore. I honestly just don't know what these stages are doing sometimes. I'm doing my best to pick up whats difference with my self and experience of life. Certain things are obvious, like my body language and level of social anxiety, female attention etc. but its like everything is not quite baked, even the fact that I really could care less about approval or what others think, and I'm way more confident and comfortable being myself in all situations, but there still some insecurity there, still some hesitation, still some self doubt etc.
Its like a geschalt, if I look at it one way its like I have changed a ton, from another angle I have changed very little. The biggest thing I cared about was how I felt inside which by the end of stage 5 sucked. I think once I move into my own place things were really start clicking more and even despite that I would not take back having done 5 months of this set for anything, something about doing it just feels necessary for me.

Guess what, you're now the source of your own validation. This is definitely something to celebrate! It's a horseshoe and you've gone down one side of it seeking less and less validation from others, now you're reaching the bottom or the feeling of emptiness that embodies masculinity. The only place you go from here is up and you're doing damn good. That's why this is a tough set to go through because it removes the need to get energy or validation from others leaving you with an emptiness for a while. That's a good thing. Unfortunately, though, it will make you a bit lazy for a while, but you take the good with the bad, eh?