03-15-2011, 12:08 PM
Update Stage 2 week 3
- Decrease in insecurity. A co-worker found a minor problem with some of the work I had done. In the past this would have brought up feelings of anger, a need to justify why the problem occurred. This time I was cool. My face did not flush and I stayed calm. It was not an issue. The problem was minor and common place in my employment.
- Increase in spurts of euphoria and motivation. (This comes and goes in cycles).
- Increase in mental discipline. A marked reduction for a 5 day period in procrastination of mental activities with an increase in the capability to learn. I've had in my life spurts of this, but its been a very long time since I've had a period this long. I'm able to focus and force my self to continue on tasks. I'm more and more able to force myself to re-read something until I understand it completely despite the complexity. This includes reading, graphs, equations, processes, algorithms, flows, instructions, etc. The this state of mind is nirvana for me. I'm not procrastinating something which seems overwhelming to me because I lack the foundational information. An example that everyone would understand is if you missed a chapter in math and now had assigned home work in the next chapter. The burden of having to learn the previous chapter, along with its home work assignment, then learn the current chapter which you did not fully learn in class, because you lacked the foundation from the previous chapter, then do your current assignment all on top of the fact that learning is difficult mounted to a overweening burden to the point of inactivity. Now think about it if you are behind by 2 or three chapters. In the state I've been in for the last few days, I would take my lumps and start the work. The burden is not on my mind just the few steps ahead of me. Additionally in this state I would work through the previous chapter and understand it so that the next, chapter was easy. (I really hope that this state is the final outcome of AM11). I'm really tired of considering my self as lacking because I'm unable to force my self to remain diligently on task until a thing is learned. This feeling of lacking is the major source of lower self worth and insecurities.
- Starting to have more and more females hold eye contact for longer periods of time.
- Currently using Overcoming Procrastination 4G for 2-3 hours per day.
- Continued reduction in past sources of neediness. However a new set of neediness is coming up. The level of neediness for this new set does not have the depth or sting of the previous.
- Life is not perfect I daily struggle and have bouts of resistance. I have a long ways to go. I get but glimpses of what life can be, as if the sun is peeking through the clouds. I now expect that upon completion of AM11 these will no longer be glimpses but how life is.
- Decrease in insecurity. A co-worker found a minor problem with some of the work I had done. In the past this would have brought up feelings of anger, a need to justify why the problem occurred. This time I was cool. My face did not flush and I stayed calm. It was not an issue. The problem was minor and common place in my employment.
- Increase in spurts of euphoria and motivation. (This comes and goes in cycles).
- Increase in mental discipline. A marked reduction for a 5 day period in procrastination of mental activities with an increase in the capability to learn. I've had in my life spurts of this, but its been a very long time since I've had a period this long. I'm able to focus and force my self to continue on tasks. I'm more and more able to force myself to re-read something until I understand it completely despite the complexity. This includes reading, graphs, equations, processes, algorithms, flows, instructions, etc. The this state of mind is nirvana for me. I'm not procrastinating something which seems overwhelming to me because I lack the foundational information. An example that everyone would understand is if you missed a chapter in math and now had assigned home work in the next chapter. The burden of having to learn the previous chapter, along with its home work assignment, then learn the current chapter which you did not fully learn in class, because you lacked the foundation from the previous chapter, then do your current assignment all on top of the fact that learning is difficult mounted to a overweening burden to the point of inactivity. Now think about it if you are behind by 2 or three chapters. In the state I've been in for the last few days, I would take my lumps and start the work. The burden is not on my mind just the few steps ahead of me. Additionally in this state I would work through the previous chapter and understand it so that the next, chapter was easy. (I really hope that this state is the final outcome of AM11). I'm really tired of considering my self as lacking because I'm unable to force my self to remain diligently on task until a thing is learned. This feeling of lacking is the major source of lower self worth and insecurities.
- Starting to have more and more females hold eye contact for longer periods of time.
- Currently using Overcoming Procrastination 4G for 2-3 hours per day.
- Continued reduction in past sources of neediness. However a new set of neediness is coming up. The level of neediness for this new set does not have the depth or sting of the previous.
- Life is not perfect I daily struggle and have bouts of resistance. I have a long ways to go. I get but glimpses of what life can be, as if the sun is peeking through the clouds. I now expect that upon completion of AM11 these will no longer be glimpses but how life is.
