10-05-2015, 08:21 AM
Part of improving is all about uncovering the things that need to be improved upon. In that regard I've found my ego or shame, not sure which, generally prevents me from seeing the real problem. I've brought it up before, but I'm pretty sure I struggle with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I know self diagnoses is bad, but I've pretty much lived the exact way it's described. So in this post I'm laying out the reality of what my life is, not what I want it to be.
-unemployed for almost a year. Terrified of working and the criticisms that come with it. Unable to maintain employment for more than a year.
-Few friends. 1 really good friend. When he's not around barely have any
-no romantic relationships. Talk to girls occasionally, but deep aversion to engaging in anything intimate with them
-Denial that my life absolutely sucks. Constant escape into some fantasy world where things are better than they actually are and waiting for that day to come.
-shutting out people who have good advice because it triggers my anxiety.
-Self isolation
- Repeated pattern of self sabotage and never learning from my mistakes
- Endless procrastination and even procrastination on things I like doing
- Hyper sensitivity to rejection or any criticisms towards me, makes me withdraw instead of objectively looking at my problems. Which is why it took me so long to make this list
- Inability to have close relationships with people. Always pushing them away or not trusting them
There's probably a ton more. But this list pretty much serves as a wake up call that my life is a mess and I need to stop trying to convince myself otherwise. Probably need to seek help outside these subliminals because this doesn't really seem in the realm of self help anymore.
-unemployed for almost a year. Terrified of working and the criticisms that come with it. Unable to maintain employment for more than a year.
-Few friends. 1 really good friend. When he's not around barely have any
-no romantic relationships. Talk to girls occasionally, but deep aversion to engaging in anything intimate with them
-Denial that my life absolutely sucks. Constant escape into some fantasy world where things are better than they actually are and waiting for that day to come.
-shutting out people who have good advice because it triggers my anxiety.
-Self isolation
- Repeated pattern of self sabotage and never learning from my mistakes
- Endless procrastination and even procrastination on things I like doing
- Hyper sensitivity to rejection or any criticisms towards me, makes me withdraw instead of objectively looking at my problems. Which is why it took me so long to make this list
- Inability to have close relationships with people. Always pushing them away or not trusting them
There's probably a ton more. But this list pretty much serves as a wake up call that my life is a mess and I need to stop trying to convince myself otherwise. Probably need to seek help outside these subliminals because this doesn't really seem in the realm of self help anymore.
