08-19-2015, 07:01 AM
I think I've realized where I might be going wrong. This might get a little long, I'm not sure I'm kind of just free writing here. Anyway with these subliminals old stuff is brought to the surface to be released. But there's no way to really tell whats old vs new. So I'd end up with all these feelings of self loathing and feeling like a failure and apply it to my current situation instead of recognizing it's stuff from the past.
I do this weird thing. I don't know what it is. But whenever I go to change something it feels like a lie, like I'm being inauthentic. As if being depressed and anxious is how I should be. That's a limiting belief that's kept me tethered to my problems. Then I'll kind of "meditate" to address the issues. I put meditate in quotes because I've realized it's not meditation, it's rumination. More specifically it's subconscious rumination because I don't even realize the thoughts that are going through my head. But basically what happens is I go through in my head everything wrong in my life and everything that will go wrong and how awful it is for me. That's what feels natural to me because I've done it for so many years. The problem is I think natural = truth. The fact that thinking positively and focusing on what I want seems awkward and foreign makes me feel like it's all just lies.
But there is no inherent truth in my depressed and anxious state. There's just not. Which means that being positive and getting what I want can't be lies or wrong because it's just as subjective as my depressed and anxious state. Freedom to choose never occurred to me and I think it's because I was so wrapped up in my emotions and taking those as the truth instead of questioning how I felt. So my thought process was "I feel like a failure, therefore I am a failure". And that was that. Now any attempts or evidence that I wasn't a failure were immediately dismissed because that feeling was the ultimate truth.
I've realized that it's kind of like sailing a boat. Your conscious mind adjusts the sail and navigates. The subconscious could be perceived as the wind. Sometimes it's carrying you in the right direction, but sometimes it blows you off course. If you were sailing a boat you wouldn't tell yourself that you should just let the wind carry you into the jagged rock face you're about to hit. You'd adjust the sail and follow your course. Same thing with the mind. When the subconscious pops up and makes you feel bad, you calmly redirect your mind. It's not suppression, but more like redirection. Ideally your want your subconscious to be in alignment with your conscious, but until you get to that point it's important to always question what you believe. If you don't you'll just be pulled along by the subconscious and possibly engage in self defeating behaviors.
My biggest mistake was thinking I could go on autopilot and just let the subliminal take care of everything. It may not be true for others, but for me there are a lot of defense mechanisms and resistant behaviors that HAVE to be kept in check by my conscious mind. I wrongly assumed that my subconscious had all the power and conscious intervention was pointless, which isn't true.
I do this weird thing. I don't know what it is. But whenever I go to change something it feels like a lie, like I'm being inauthentic. As if being depressed and anxious is how I should be. That's a limiting belief that's kept me tethered to my problems. Then I'll kind of "meditate" to address the issues. I put meditate in quotes because I've realized it's not meditation, it's rumination. More specifically it's subconscious rumination because I don't even realize the thoughts that are going through my head. But basically what happens is I go through in my head everything wrong in my life and everything that will go wrong and how awful it is for me. That's what feels natural to me because I've done it for so many years. The problem is I think natural = truth. The fact that thinking positively and focusing on what I want seems awkward and foreign makes me feel like it's all just lies.
But there is no inherent truth in my depressed and anxious state. There's just not. Which means that being positive and getting what I want can't be lies or wrong because it's just as subjective as my depressed and anxious state. Freedom to choose never occurred to me and I think it's because I was so wrapped up in my emotions and taking those as the truth instead of questioning how I felt. So my thought process was "I feel like a failure, therefore I am a failure". And that was that. Now any attempts or evidence that I wasn't a failure were immediately dismissed because that feeling was the ultimate truth.
I've realized that it's kind of like sailing a boat. Your conscious mind adjusts the sail and navigates. The subconscious could be perceived as the wind. Sometimes it's carrying you in the right direction, but sometimes it blows you off course. If you were sailing a boat you wouldn't tell yourself that you should just let the wind carry you into the jagged rock face you're about to hit. You'd adjust the sail and follow your course. Same thing with the mind. When the subconscious pops up and makes you feel bad, you calmly redirect your mind. It's not suppression, but more like redirection. Ideally your want your subconscious to be in alignment with your conscious, but until you get to that point it's important to always question what you believe. If you don't you'll just be pulled along by the subconscious and possibly engage in self defeating behaviors.
My biggest mistake was thinking I could go on autopilot and just let the subliminal take care of everything. It may not be true for others, but for me there are a lot of defense mechanisms and resistant behaviors that HAVE to be kept in check by my conscious mind. I wrongly assumed that my subconscious had all the power and conscious intervention was pointless, which isn't true.
