07-09-2015, 05:50 PM
I have to say that the one thing that bothers me the most in this world is how common it is for people to be stuck in jobs they hate. Since I've struggled with depression for a while I've realized I have a very low tolerance for anything that makes me feel worse. What I really hate though is the "that's life" attitude some people give you or tell you to get over it. In my heart and my gut, I know it's not right. Life is not meant to be trudged through with regret and bitterness like so many people do. I used to think I should take what I could get and tough it out, to demonstrate strength. I think that's pretty dumb now actually. There's no glory in sticking with a crappy job to prove myself. My energy should go towards finding something I'd like to do, not learning to settle for something that sucks.
But these past few days I've been going through a lot of emotions. My house is going up for sale so I've been packing my stuff. I stumbled upon an old high school graduation card with my parents well wishes and hope for everything to be great in my life. It made me really sad. In some ways I feel that I've improved so much and in others I just feel like a complete mess. I wish that my life was together, just for the sake of my parents. They're both amazing and I always feel bad that they are always worrying about me.
I'm 24 now and it fills me with anxiety when I think how fast this happened. I can't wake up 10 years from now dealing with the same problems and struggling. The world is a beautiful place at times, but it also can be hell. I don't know how most people go about their lives without feeling this way. Is it because they distract themselves with fancy toys, sex, and media? I always feel burdened by this sense of unhappiness. I don't know if it's just me or if it's a reaction to the world around me.
Something I've been thinking about is people all have higher states of consciousness. Sort of like guidelines for happiness. But some people are disconnected and stuck in a lower level. The soul knows what it wants, but sometimes it's too ahead. Sometimes the world around it hasn't caught up to its level and there's a friction between this inner knowing and what reality is at that moment in time. If I strip away a lot of the nonsense society seems to imprint on me, my immediate reaction is I don't want to live in this world. Not in a suicidal way, just a profound realization that there's so much negativity and garbage you have to deal with just to exist. Maybe that's because I haven't reached a point where I'm above it and unaffected by it. I could see how once you're completely detached from any of that influence you truly are free to live your life without those marionette strings pulling you around like a puppet.
But these past few days I've been going through a lot of emotions. My house is going up for sale so I've been packing my stuff. I stumbled upon an old high school graduation card with my parents well wishes and hope for everything to be great in my life. It made me really sad. In some ways I feel that I've improved so much and in others I just feel like a complete mess. I wish that my life was together, just for the sake of my parents. They're both amazing and I always feel bad that they are always worrying about me.
I'm 24 now and it fills me with anxiety when I think how fast this happened. I can't wake up 10 years from now dealing with the same problems and struggling. The world is a beautiful place at times, but it also can be hell. I don't know how most people go about their lives without feeling this way. Is it because they distract themselves with fancy toys, sex, and media? I always feel burdened by this sense of unhappiness. I don't know if it's just me or if it's a reaction to the world around me.
Something I've been thinking about is people all have higher states of consciousness. Sort of like guidelines for happiness. But some people are disconnected and stuck in a lower level. The soul knows what it wants, but sometimes it's too ahead. Sometimes the world around it hasn't caught up to its level and there's a friction between this inner knowing and what reality is at that moment in time. If I strip away a lot of the nonsense society seems to imprint on me, my immediate reaction is I don't want to live in this world. Not in a suicidal way, just a profound realization that there's so much negativity and garbage you have to deal with just to exist. Maybe that's because I haven't reached a point where I'm above it and unaffected by it. I could see how once you're completely detached from any of that influence you truly are free to live your life without those marionette strings pulling you around like a puppet.
