07-02-2015, 11:40 AM
Had some seriously brutal anxiety these past few days along with a lot of fatigue. I'm trying to work through this stuff, but I think the most difficult thing is not really having control over what goes on. It's been making it hard to focus and even when I can I can't shake the anxiety, so I do what I have to do but it feels like I'm not getting enough rest or relief. The one thing I try to do is remain as relaxed as possible and accept it without fighting it.
Lately I've been working on my music more and I'm hitting the familiar blocks I'm always running into. It just always seems like no matter how hard I try to change my mindset or take it easy, I'm always getting swept up in the "not good enough" type of emotions that make me feel like crap when I can't do something right or I compare my work to people who are better than me. It holds me back because there's always reluctance to finish or start a new project because it feels like pulling teeth. I know a lot of musicians run into this problem and the solution is to do more work. But I'll literally fall asleep at my computer working on a song because I'll get so burned out.
The other weird thing is that sometimes when I'm relaxing or closing my eyes for a few brief minutes, musical ideas will pop into my head. But as soon as I try to bring them into reality, it's like they disappear or I can't remember them as well. My only guess is that deep down I still have a lot of fear associated with my music. In my head it's not exactly real, but as soon as I create something real the flaws become more apparent and that's when the anxiety sets in and blocks my creative flow.
Lately I've been working on my music more and I'm hitting the familiar blocks I'm always running into. It just always seems like no matter how hard I try to change my mindset or take it easy, I'm always getting swept up in the "not good enough" type of emotions that make me feel like crap when I can't do something right or I compare my work to people who are better than me. It holds me back because there's always reluctance to finish or start a new project because it feels like pulling teeth. I know a lot of musicians run into this problem and the solution is to do more work. But I'll literally fall asleep at my computer working on a song because I'll get so burned out.
The other weird thing is that sometimes when I'm relaxing or closing my eyes for a few brief minutes, musical ideas will pop into my head. But as soon as I try to bring them into reality, it's like they disappear or I can't remember them as well. My only guess is that deep down I still have a lot of fear associated with my music. In my head it's not exactly real, but as soon as I create something real the flaws become more apparent and that's when the anxiety sets in and blocks my creative flow.
