05-29-2015, 12:22 AM
Today is the end of the 3rd week. Stage 1 Day 21.
I don't know what to say hahah. I'm honestly lost for words. I guess I'll start by saying I had a lucid dreaming before yesterday where there was a girl I used to like, she was very conservative but in the dream she was naked touching herself and playing with her pu**y. I feel like it appeared out of nowhere, I was suddenly with a friend of mine and she appeared on a bed naked playing with herself. When I saw the way she was I felt as if she was degrading herself by doing that and was asking her to stop then she's like "It's okay". Then my friend somehow had ended up with his head rested on the bed below her legs and was looking at her pu**y. He started moving closer and closer as this was happening I was starting to build up this heavy tight feeling in my solar plexus/stomach area. When he got really close I was shouting "No! NO!" but he started licking and the feeling overwhelmed me and I started kicking his head; it's as if it didn't harm him even though I was kicking hard, it just prevented him from doing it. Then some other stuff happened which showed a lot of my neediness. The girl suddenly took on characteristics of my mother, she was blaming me and saying I was cheating on her with other women and blah blah, how she doesn't trust me. This is how my mom is with my dad. Then I got this feeling of what am I doing? I don't want this. Some other shit happened and I was told that it's not my fault she's like this, she has issues. Then I ended up being sexual with this different girl, hugged her from behind to say goodbye but got SO turned on that I pretended I was squeezing her but lightly humped her to make her feel my penis against her ass. Then she giggled and asked for my number, I knew I was going to f**k her that night.
Anyway what I make of this dream is that it was working on a lot of neediness and showed me how needy I am internally. It's very innate and has deep roots, because as my friend moved closer to the girl's vagina I realized the overwhelming feelings were feelings of betrayal, anger, helplessness, part of me being ripped away from me, and MOSTLY it felt like FEAR of losing my life. It's sort of like the feeling you get when something life threatening about to get you and grabs on to your leg so you KICK the (pardon my language) M****RF****R to get away. Let's a crawling zombie grabs your foot, and is about to bite so you kick the living hell out of it to survive.
I believe it was this specific friend because I don't trust him completely, because he's very reactive, needy, kind of superficial and has some characteristics somewhat similar to my mom.
I got a lot out of this dream. Thinking about the dream didn't bring up those emotions. Even when imagining that happening again. I was actually upset that I woke up before I could hook up with that woman.
I also have been thinking a lot of things that are hindering me and not allowing me to take action, for which I will make a separate thread because I want as many opinions on it as possible, including Shannon's and I don't know if she reads this or not. It's important to me.
Thank you guys for reading
I don't know what to say hahah. I'm honestly lost for words. I guess I'll start by saying I had a lucid dreaming before yesterday where there was a girl I used to like, she was very conservative but in the dream she was naked touching herself and playing with her pu**y. I feel like it appeared out of nowhere, I was suddenly with a friend of mine and she appeared on a bed naked playing with herself. When I saw the way she was I felt as if she was degrading herself by doing that and was asking her to stop then she's like "It's okay". Then my friend somehow had ended up with his head rested on the bed below her legs and was looking at her pu**y. He started moving closer and closer as this was happening I was starting to build up this heavy tight feeling in my solar plexus/stomach area. When he got really close I was shouting "No! NO!" but he started licking and the feeling overwhelmed me and I started kicking his head; it's as if it didn't harm him even though I was kicking hard, it just prevented him from doing it. Then some other stuff happened which showed a lot of my neediness. The girl suddenly took on characteristics of my mother, she was blaming me and saying I was cheating on her with other women and blah blah, how she doesn't trust me. This is how my mom is with my dad. Then I got this feeling of what am I doing? I don't want this. Some other shit happened and I was told that it's not my fault she's like this, she has issues. Then I ended up being sexual with this different girl, hugged her from behind to say goodbye but got SO turned on that I pretended I was squeezing her but lightly humped her to make her feel my penis against her ass. Then she giggled and asked for my number, I knew I was going to f**k her that night.
Anyway what I make of this dream is that it was working on a lot of neediness and showed me how needy I am internally. It's very innate and has deep roots, because as my friend moved closer to the girl's vagina I realized the overwhelming feelings were feelings of betrayal, anger, helplessness, part of me being ripped away from me, and MOSTLY it felt like FEAR of losing my life. It's sort of like the feeling you get when something life threatening about to get you and grabs on to your leg so you KICK the (pardon my language) M****RF****R to get away. Let's a crawling zombie grabs your foot, and is about to bite so you kick the living hell out of it to survive.
I believe it was this specific friend because I don't trust him completely, because he's very reactive, needy, kind of superficial and has some characteristics somewhat similar to my mom.
I got a lot out of this dream. Thinking about the dream didn't bring up those emotions. Even when imagining that happening again. I was actually upset that I woke up before I could hook up with that woman.
I also have been thinking a lot of things that are hindering me and not allowing me to take action, for which I will make a separate thread because I want as many opinions on it as possible, including Shannon's and I don't know if she reads this or not. It's important to me.
Thank you guys for reading
