05-03-2015, 07:08 AM
I've been thinking a lot about what I should do with my life. My passion is definitely music. It's difficult because to me it's more than a hobby. A hobby to me is something you turn towards to relax or unwind. Making music for me has been incredibly stressful at times, but rewarding. It is work, there's been a lot of learning and roadblocks I've had to overcome and I'm still working on overcoming them. Perfectionist tendencies seriously hold me back, lack of skills, fear of what others think of my music, not being as good as professionals, procrastination, etc. Also a lot of comparing myself to others in more "practical" fields. Art is important, but people seriously overlook that. A world without music, movies, paintings, drawings, architecture, etc. would be an incredibly dull place. And yet when it comes to the hierarchy it seems like engineers, scientists, doctors, lawyers, etc are higher up. I admire these people and what they do. I also recognize their vital importance. Even people that want to work in a corporate environment, I get it. I don't badmouth their goals and what they want out of life. Everyone wants something different in life. But that's just not who I am and part of the reason I've struggled in life so much is because that's the direction most people are pushed. Maybe it's because the whole attitude of your job being your identity is so engrained in this culture that such emphasis is placed on being "productive" or "practical". So you become a doctor, great you're helping people. Artist? Stop being unrealistic, get a real job, you're wasting your time, etc. I don't think anyone receives as much criticism as artists who are still working on getting better. Sure once they establish themselves as proficient or popular they get praise, but before that you're treated with such disdain by some people. That actually goes for anyone with dreams that might be hard to attain, the negative people love squashing it and watching you suffer because they might have been too much of a coward to take control of their own life and let fear dictate their actions.
I'm not shooting for a lofty goal like fame. If it finds me I'd be happy, but that's not the reason I do the things I do. I'd rather pour my heart and soul into my music and achieve my vision than try to maintain a high standard of living by being tied to my job. And I am realistic about all this. I know I need a job, I need food, I need a place to live, and all that necessary stuff sheltered people tend to take for granted. But I only have so much energy and it has to be concentrated wisely. If I'm at an office job and there's nothing for me to do for 3 hours except pointless busy work to make it seem like I'm being productive, that's a form of torture in my mind. That 3 hours could have been spent putting more time into my music and getting closer to achieving the vision I have in my head for my music. Everyone knows the stereotype of the starving artist, it comes from somewhere. It's because artists place such a high emphasis on their craft that everything else fades into the background. It's hard to understand this feeling unless you've experienced it. I don't even say that as a form of ego or that it makes me special somehow, I'm just stating it as a fact and something that I've lived with for most of my life and never really understood.
So where am I going with this rambling? I'm trying to hit the sweet spot in my life where I have a career or job that provides the basic essentials for an ok standard of living, but doesn't demand so much of my energy that I'm pulled away from my music goals. I'm definitely forging my own path here, which I think is part of the reason this is so damn difficult. It's like a path filled with vines and stuff that I'm hacking away with my machete while I'm watching other people right next to me stroll along a well worn path. I can't even see 2 feet in front of me, but I just keep going. Meanwhile I've got people shouting next to me that I'm going the wrong way and to follow them. EPRHA is bringing all this to light, but it's been very hard to come to terms with because everything I feel inside is the exact opposite of what I was told to do in society.
My music is by no means great. But after listening to EPRHA for a while I've realized that I need to take more responsibility for it. It won't magically get better. I'm gonna suck for a while. I can fantasize all I want about making great music, but until I get in there and get my hands dirty nothing will come about. There's no secret, no technique, no book, no software, no nothing except hard work and determination. I plan and plan and soak up knowledge like a sponge in hopes that it gives me the answer. But I lack the action. The amount of times I haven't finished a track or avoided making music is far too many. It's way too easy to make excuses, and this goes for anything in life. But the thing you have to remember is those excuses and procrastination haunt you. It's not always the path of least resistance that gets you the results you want in life. And this makes it hard to keep going at times because you may think to yourself that it shouldn't be this hard. After reading dozens of books of the new age variety, there's a poisonous message that life is effortless and you can have anything you want as long as you think really hard about it or visualize. This is nonsense, all you'll get good at is fantasizing about what you want. At the heart of this misguided message is the simple fear of hard work. You still have to put in the work. There are still rules that govern this universe and one of those rules is related to your souls desire to learn lessons and overcome obstacles. You still have to face those demons and upsets. Law of attraction can put you into alignment with what you want, but that's only about 50%. You have to put your 50% in as well. Ultimately coming to terms with those fears and doubts will help you transmute them into energy that can further propel you to reach your goals. Otherwise you expend energy trying to avoid them or push them away.
I wrote a damn novel here. But I'm going to try to follow what I've written, so I'm not just talking the talk there. Nothing upsets me more than people that talk big, but their actions don't reflect their words. There's still a lot of stuff I try to avoid, facing it will be difficult but ultimately I'll grow stronger for it.
I'm not shooting for a lofty goal like fame. If it finds me I'd be happy, but that's not the reason I do the things I do. I'd rather pour my heart and soul into my music and achieve my vision than try to maintain a high standard of living by being tied to my job. And I am realistic about all this. I know I need a job, I need food, I need a place to live, and all that necessary stuff sheltered people tend to take for granted. But I only have so much energy and it has to be concentrated wisely. If I'm at an office job and there's nothing for me to do for 3 hours except pointless busy work to make it seem like I'm being productive, that's a form of torture in my mind. That 3 hours could have been spent putting more time into my music and getting closer to achieving the vision I have in my head for my music. Everyone knows the stereotype of the starving artist, it comes from somewhere. It's because artists place such a high emphasis on their craft that everything else fades into the background. It's hard to understand this feeling unless you've experienced it. I don't even say that as a form of ego or that it makes me special somehow, I'm just stating it as a fact and something that I've lived with for most of my life and never really understood.
So where am I going with this rambling? I'm trying to hit the sweet spot in my life where I have a career or job that provides the basic essentials for an ok standard of living, but doesn't demand so much of my energy that I'm pulled away from my music goals. I'm definitely forging my own path here, which I think is part of the reason this is so damn difficult. It's like a path filled with vines and stuff that I'm hacking away with my machete while I'm watching other people right next to me stroll along a well worn path. I can't even see 2 feet in front of me, but I just keep going. Meanwhile I've got people shouting next to me that I'm going the wrong way and to follow them. EPRHA is bringing all this to light, but it's been very hard to come to terms with because everything I feel inside is the exact opposite of what I was told to do in society.
My music is by no means great. But after listening to EPRHA for a while I've realized that I need to take more responsibility for it. It won't magically get better. I'm gonna suck for a while. I can fantasize all I want about making great music, but until I get in there and get my hands dirty nothing will come about. There's no secret, no technique, no book, no software, no nothing except hard work and determination. I plan and plan and soak up knowledge like a sponge in hopes that it gives me the answer. But I lack the action. The amount of times I haven't finished a track or avoided making music is far too many. It's way too easy to make excuses, and this goes for anything in life. But the thing you have to remember is those excuses and procrastination haunt you. It's not always the path of least resistance that gets you the results you want in life. And this makes it hard to keep going at times because you may think to yourself that it shouldn't be this hard. After reading dozens of books of the new age variety, there's a poisonous message that life is effortless and you can have anything you want as long as you think really hard about it or visualize. This is nonsense, all you'll get good at is fantasizing about what you want. At the heart of this misguided message is the simple fear of hard work. You still have to put in the work. There are still rules that govern this universe and one of those rules is related to your souls desire to learn lessons and overcome obstacles. You still have to face those demons and upsets. Law of attraction can put you into alignment with what you want, but that's only about 50%. You have to put your 50% in as well. Ultimately coming to terms with those fears and doubts will help you transmute them into energy that can further propel you to reach your goals. Otherwise you expend energy trying to avoid them or push them away.
I wrote a damn novel here. But I'm going to try to follow what I've written, so I'm not just talking the talk there. Nothing upsets me more than people that talk big, but their actions don't reflect their words. There's still a lot of stuff I try to avoid, facing it will be difficult but ultimately I'll grow stronger for it.
