04-07-2015, 09:13 PM
stage 3 day 28
Time seems to have gone by when I'm not writing about it.
Gratitude for the things I take for granted is definitely something that helps keep my emotions in check. The other day I saw a dude missing all his back teeth and that night I made it a point to be thankful for having teeth that work. Today I met a dude who just got out of prison and he was talking about how trippy it is to be able to open his fridge and get food, having a cell phone, and a truck. It humbled me because I have that stuff on a daily basis and I complain about what seems like petty stuff compared to that.
Anyway I can sort of sense myself slipping into past behaviors and thought patterns every once in a while, and I'm pretty conscious of it when it happens. The experience is shortly followed by a weird flushing sensation in my face because for some reason that's the sensation I remember my old self as having.
I only have 3.5 more days on stage 3, I can't believe I'm more than halfway done with the program already. I remember starting AM6 all passionate and enthusiastic and EXCITED. Don't get me wrong, I still feel all those, but it's backed by a more stern, "alpha" understanding that all things worth while in life come after diligent and consistent reinforcement. So now I accept as true that I'm growing, slowly but surely. I'm not all itchy and scratchy figuring out what I want to do next, although SM3 is kind of the whole reason I got into IML subs. But I wouldn't be too disappointed if I have to do AM6 again. This inner growth feels like I'm growing up a lot on the inside, and my emotional being is finally getting to mature. due to certain events that happened in my childhood that demanded I grow up and raise myself and my little sister at the age of 12, I never allowed myself the chance to develop emotionally.
Time seems to have gone by when I'm not writing about it.
Gratitude for the things I take for granted is definitely something that helps keep my emotions in check. The other day I saw a dude missing all his back teeth and that night I made it a point to be thankful for having teeth that work. Today I met a dude who just got out of prison and he was talking about how trippy it is to be able to open his fridge and get food, having a cell phone, and a truck. It humbled me because I have that stuff on a daily basis and I complain about what seems like petty stuff compared to that.
Anyway I can sort of sense myself slipping into past behaviors and thought patterns every once in a while, and I'm pretty conscious of it when it happens. The experience is shortly followed by a weird flushing sensation in my face because for some reason that's the sensation I remember my old self as having.
I only have 3.5 more days on stage 3, I can't believe I'm more than halfway done with the program already. I remember starting AM6 all passionate and enthusiastic and EXCITED. Don't get me wrong, I still feel all those, but it's backed by a more stern, "alpha" understanding that all things worth while in life come after diligent and consistent reinforcement. So now I accept as true that I'm growing, slowly but surely. I'm not all itchy and scratchy figuring out what I want to do next, although SM3 is kind of the whole reason I got into IML subs. But I wouldn't be too disappointed if I have to do AM6 again. This inner growth feels like I'm growing up a lot on the inside, and my emotional being is finally getting to mature. due to certain events that happened in my childhood that demanded I grow up and raise myself and my little sister at the age of 12, I never allowed myself the chance to develop emotionally.
