stage 3 day 6
I had a great time at the camping trip over the weekend. I managed to squeeze in some sub listening time at night, so I'm not too far behind in my listening schedule. I could've gotten a few more hours than I did, but I wanted to be present and in the moment with the people I was with.
So I introduced myself to a couple girls I didn't know at the camp site (who was a part of our group), and one of them immediately said "omg M said awesome things about you". She was there with her boyfriend, but throughout the trip, it almost seemed like she was worshipping my presence lol. That was a little weird but it made me feel great XD.
The other girl I introduced myself to didn't seem too keen on talking to me until later at night. Some of the cats there were playing some music and as soon as they put on my kinda electronic music, I started moving and dancing in my seat, and a bunch of the girls were like "[eternitys_child] GET UP AND DANCE" so I did and then more "worshipping" lol.... That's when the other girl I introduced myself to at the beginning started showing her moves with glow poi, which was so badass! She got ten times hotter when she started to do that. Later, she was sitting next to me on the bench and she kept making physical contact with me on the bench so I could tell she liked me, but something held me back from actually making any move and I felt like shit for not doing anything. Like utter shit! I recalled someone on this forum's signature and how it says something about our inabilities with women come from our own beliefs about what they are? I forgot exactly what it said and who's signature it was... but that was a missed opportunity right there, I kind of locked up and didn't know how to go any further from that point.
I made all sorts of rationalizations in my mind like "oh she's in the middle of a divorce" and "oh she's probably got lots of mental problems" but they were all bull shiet and just ways to justify my actions, or lack thereof. I've been conditioning myself to not take any action in those situations for a long time, and that's a factor about me that really needs to change.
Time for dream updates. I had a lucid dream for the first time last night, and it was so dope! It was the second dream.
The first dream was another recurring theme in my dreams. Where I would literally lose foot and start floating around, unable to control where I wanted to go. Those moments spent in the air are very unpleasant because I get stressed out in my dreams from not being able to control my direction and this time was no different. I shortly thereafter woke up, and I told myself "god i got to be able to recognize when I'm floating in my dreams. That's a telltale sign I'm in a dream.
So I went back to sleep, and I was in another dream. It was thanksgiving time, and I went to go pick up the turkey but I started floating again, and then remembered how every time I float, I'm in a dream. So at that moment, I become lucid, and control my way back down to the ground, reminding myself not to freak out and get too excited and wake myself up, and as soon as I consciously pick up the turkey in my dream, I get way too excited and wake up. LOL
My own interpretation of my floating dreams is that I am lacking control and/or a sense of direction in certain areas of my life.
I had a great time at the camping trip over the weekend. I managed to squeeze in some sub listening time at night, so I'm not too far behind in my listening schedule. I could've gotten a few more hours than I did, but I wanted to be present and in the moment with the people I was with.
So I introduced myself to a couple girls I didn't know at the camp site (who was a part of our group), and one of them immediately said "omg M said awesome things about you". She was there with her boyfriend, but throughout the trip, it almost seemed like she was worshipping my presence lol. That was a little weird but it made me feel great XD.
The other girl I introduced myself to didn't seem too keen on talking to me until later at night. Some of the cats there were playing some music and as soon as they put on my kinda electronic music, I started moving and dancing in my seat, and a bunch of the girls were like "[eternitys_child] GET UP AND DANCE" so I did and then more "worshipping" lol.... That's when the other girl I introduced myself to at the beginning started showing her moves with glow poi, which was so badass! She got ten times hotter when she started to do that. Later, she was sitting next to me on the bench and she kept making physical contact with me on the bench so I could tell she liked me, but something held me back from actually making any move and I felt like shit for not doing anything. Like utter shit! I recalled someone on this forum's signature and how it says something about our inabilities with women come from our own beliefs about what they are? I forgot exactly what it said and who's signature it was... but that was a missed opportunity right there, I kind of locked up and didn't know how to go any further from that point.
I made all sorts of rationalizations in my mind like "oh she's in the middle of a divorce" and "oh she's probably got lots of mental problems" but they were all bull shiet and just ways to justify my actions, or lack thereof. I've been conditioning myself to not take any action in those situations for a long time, and that's a factor about me that really needs to change.
Time for dream updates. I had a lucid dream for the first time last night, and it was so dope! It was the second dream.
The first dream was another recurring theme in my dreams. Where I would literally lose foot and start floating around, unable to control where I wanted to go. Those moments spent in the air are very unpleasant because I get stressed out in my dreams from not being able to control my direction and this time was no different. I shortly thereafter woke up, and I told myself "god i got to be able to recognize when I'm floating in my dreams. That's a telltale sign I'm in a dream.
So I went back to sleep, and I was in another dream. It was thanksgiving time, and I went to go pick up the turkey but I started floating again, and then remembered how every time I float, I'm in a dream. So at that moment, I become lucid, and control my way back down to the ground, reminding myself not to freak out and get too excited and wake myself up, and as soon as I consciously pick up the turkey in my dream, I get way too excited and wake up. LOL
My own interpretation of my floating dreams is that I am lacking control and/or a sense of direction in certain areas of my life.
