03-14-2015, 09:29 AM
So being unemployed for a while now sucks big time. What sucks more is fear. So consciously I want a job, I need money, I need to survive somehow. But I've got so much fear inside of me when it comes to actual work, my duties, performance, mistakes, etc I find that subconsciously I resist the idea. I'll apply, get an interview, then after the interview actually hope that nobody calls me back. It's so contradicting. And I do wonder about things like the LOA. If my fear overpowers my desire to get a job, essentially I'd think I'd be shooting myself in the foot. Even worse is I wonder if the interviewer can sense this stuff. I'm tired of acting in job interviews, I know it's necessary sometimes, but I just wish there wasn't this crazy duality inside of me that makes doing this even harder than it needs to be.
On that note, I've realized my reluctance to take on more responsibilities in a job is due to my fear of failing at it or making a mistake. Not the actual work I'd have to be doing. It's like gambling. More responsibilities, generally better position and more pay, but increased risk of screwing something up. Less responsibilites, low possibility of screwing things up, less pay and lower position.
I've always been drawn to the ones with less responsibilities. I figure I'll do what I need to do, punch out, then work on my actual passion which is music. But I've realized that I'm severely limiting myself because I do have some amount of skills which would be valuable to employers and it would make my life easier if I wasn't struggling to get by.
On that note, I've realized my reluctance to take on more responsibilities in a job is due to my fear of failing at it or making a mistake. Not the actual work I'd have to be doing. It's like gambling. More responsibilities, generally better position and more pay, but increased risk of screwing something up. Less responsibilites, low possibility of screwing things up, less pay and lower position.
I've always been drawn to the ones with less responsibilities. I figure I'll do what I need to do, punch out, then work on my actual passion which is music. But I've realized that I'm severely limiting myself because I do have some amount of skills which would be valuable to employers and it would make my life easier if I wasn't struggling to get by.
