03-07-2015, 07:36 AM
"Feel it fully and let it go". It's a phrase I've heard a million times and thought I was pretty good at following. Well today I realized just how much resistance I have to feeling things fully. I'll get part of the way there, I feel the emotions, but I stop short of really feeling them.
The only thing I can think of is I still have some kind of aversion to going through the whole process of fully feeling emotions. Maybe it's fear of having them invalidated. Maybe it's because at the peak of feeling the emotions it feels like an incredibly vulnerable state. I guess I've always exhibited some kind of control or restraint when it came to emotion. Surrendering or letting go to the feeling can be unsettling because it makes me truly realize just how much power emotions can hold at times. One of my biggest fears is being swept up in those emotions and sort of losing control. So I guess I am a control freak.
It's funny how I'll try to distill it down to a technique. Like how to logically feel emotions fully so I can release them. It just reflects my inability to truly let go and need to have control over the entire emotional process. But emotions don't work like that, and I guess that's why for as long as I've been using these subs I've been dealing with resistance a lot.
It's funny how something as simple as just experience emotions fully, something a baby does effortlessly, has become needlessly convoluted as an adult.
The only thing I can think of is I still have some kind of aversion to going through the whole process of fully feeling emotions. Maybe it's fear of having them invalidated. Maybe it's because at the peak of feeling the emotions it feels like an incredibly vulnerable state. I guess I've always exhibited some kind of control or restraint when it came to emotion. Surrendering or letting go to the feeling can be unsettling because it makes me truly realize just how much power emotions can hold at times. One of my biggest fears is being swept up in those emotions and sort of losing control. So I guess I am a control freak.
It's funny how I'll try to distill it down to a technique. Like how to logically feel emotions fully so I can release them. It just reflects my inability to truly let go and need to have control over the entire emotional process. But emotions don't work like that, and I guess that's why for as long as I've been using these subs I've been dealing with resistance a lot.
It's funny how something as simple as just experience emotions fully, something a baby does effortlessly, has become needlessly convoluted as an adult.
