02-21-2015, 02:01 PM
stage 2 day 16
Whenever I get asked to read "how it works" in meetings or page 86 in the morning and night, I am no longer reading at an incredibly fast pace, as I used to. I talk slower, and with more emphasis on what the message is saying by adding inflection to the statements as necessary, in a stark contrast with just wanting to read it fast and get it over with. It's almost like I read with more confidence.
My normal state of being is "fast". I was known for doing everything incredibly fast, and I even had the nickname speed racer when I was doing tweak. I'm starting to learn how to be calm and relaxed; maintaining composure throughout the day. I called one of my sponsor's friends in Atlanta yesterday and talked to him about how my days seem to be "boring" compared to how chaotic I used to live life. I told him that I kind of miss the chaos and I remember thriving in all the excitement I would create for myself. He told me how sick that thinking was LOL I agreed with him, saying that only an insane person would say he thrives off of craziness the way I did. And it's true. The big book says something along the lines of "the alcoholic life seems to be the only normal one" , and making it "virtually impossible to differentiate delusion from reality"
My sponsors friend drilled it in my head that sometimes I just got to sit there and do nothing. I need to learn that calmness and relaxation is vital, and I need to be in control of my emotions.
There's a song by shpongle called "Nothing is Something Worth Doing", the title of which is something I need to keep at the front of my head.
The serenity has sunk in and it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere anytime soon.
The other day, I was called on last to share at the house meeting, and as I was speaking, I get a text message from D saying "You've grown so much since I've met you. Keep it up
".
I caught a glimpse of it while I was talking, and I smiled inside.
So apparently my growth is quite evident, and people around me are definitely taking notice and saying something about it.
Whenever I get asked to read "how it works" in meetings or page 86 in the morning and night, I am no longer reading at an incredibly fast pace, as I used to. I talk slower, and with more emphasis on what the message is saying by adding inflection to the statements as necessary, in a stark contrast with just wanting to read it fast and get it over with. It's almost like I read with more confidence.
My normal state of being is "fast". I was known for doing everything incredibly fast, and I even had the nickname speed racer when I was doing tweak. I'm starting to learn how to be calm and relaxed; maintaining composure throughout the day. I called one of my sponsor's friends in Atlanta yesterday and talked to him about how my days seem to be "boring" compared to how chaotic I used to live life. I told him that I kind of miss the chaos and I remember thriving in all the excitement I would create for myself. He told me how sick that thinking was LOL I agreed with him, saying that only an insane person would say he thrives off of craziness the way I did. And it's true. The big book says something along the lines of "the alcoholic life seems to be the only normal one" , and making it "virtually impossible to differentiate delusion from reality"
My sponsors friend drilled it in my head that sometimes I just got to sit there and do nothing. I need to learn that calmness and relaxation is vital, and I need to be in control of my emotions.
There's a song by shpongle called "Nothing is Something Worth Doing", the title of which is something I need to keep at the front of my head.
The serenity has sunk in and it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere anytime soon.
The other day, I was called on last to share at the house meeting, and as I was speaking, I get a text message from D saying "You've grown so much since I've met you. Keep it up
".I caught a glimpse of it while I was talking, and I smiled inside.
So apparently my growth is quite evident, and people around me are definitely taking notice and saying something about it.
