12-11-2014, 01:23 PM
Day 102
Probably my last update on this journal and possibly the hardest one I've ever had to write. I think it's my third try to write this down and I don't even know if it's worth writing about since in day or two I will forget about it. But for sake of keeping track of my healing process, I feel I should do it.
I've met this girl today. By met I mean talked with for 2 or 3 minutes in lecture pause. And she's perfect. By that I mean my kind of perfect. It was almost as I had attracted her into my life. She's pretty, feminine, clever and, as I've learnt later, free. Because of this encounter I feel confused, with my mind absent and all over the place at the same time.
Why am I like this? Two reasons I can think of. First is that I'm scared, last time I felt like this two years ago (almost exactly in fact) it ended in the way I had to start LTU. Second reason is that I fear I will not meet her again (it was one time lecture) and I won't have chance to make any move (given I'd have balls to make a move in the first place).
Pizza and some beers with my friends helped and I'm sure I'll be better in day or two once I'll realize thinking about it is pointless, but for now I must endure.
Probably my last update on this journal and possibly the hardest one I've ever had to write. I think it's my third try to write this down and I don't even know if it's worth writing about since in day or two I will forget about it. But for sake of keeping track of my healing process, I feel I should do it.
I've met this girl today. By met I mean talked with for 2 or 3 minutes in lecture pause. And she's perfect. By that I mean my kind of perfect. It was almost as I had attracted her into my life. She's pretty, feminine, clever and, as I've learnt later, free. Because of this encounter I feel confused, with my mind absent and all over the place at the same time.
Why am I like this? Two reasons I can think of. First is that I'm scared, last time I felt like this two years ago (almost exactly in fact) it ended in the way I had to start LTU. Second reason is that I fear I will not meet her again (it was one time lecture) and I won't have chance to make any move (given I'd have balls to make a move in the first place).
Pizza and some beers with my friends helped and I'm sure I'll be better in day or two once I'll realize thinking about it is pointless, but for now I must endure.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
