12-04-2014, 05:09 AM
Day 95
I had interesting experience lately. While going back home on the bus late evening I was standing in front of bus' glass door and whole ride home I was looking at my reflection in front of changing vistas and driving cars. It wasn't mirror image though, it was dark, colorless and with dead eyes. It almost felt like there was this darker side of me on the other side of the door staring back at me. It felt so much more real because I know there are still things lingering in me and that event almost gave them a face. Strange and kind of creepy.
I've read "How to become ..." and I rate it 4/5 with "read it again" stamper on it. It's not perfect and it's hypocritical at times, but it gives quite an interesting perspective at a couple of issues. As I'll be going through AM (only 1-2 weeks left!) I'll read it at least once more to see how I've changed my perspective on it, if nothing more. I'm thinking what self-help book to read next, I'll probably go with "The Slight Edge" because why not! I've heard it's good and maybe there will be something worthwhile in it.
My anger issues decreased, or rather I have more control over it. It's like "look, it's not a big deal, wait some or make some action but don't get emotional". Also I've had quite a lot of strange dreams this week. It's very hard to interpret them and the only thing I got from them is that consciously I'm still detached from issues I struggled with earlier this fall, even if in my subconscious they still are somewhere, hiding or dying.
Last thing, probably most important. Yesterday I went to professor at my faculty to talk with him about my thesis. I've never had classes with him, but his research is interesting and his standing is quite high, so I might use it to my advantage. There is a problem however as subconsciously feel it's not the best decision to go to him. Nothing's been set in stone just yet and I have time so I can try and pursue this path and retreat later on. Also despite this fear (or uncertainty rather) I don't better options for me than this. Should I take a leap of faith and keep going or step back and look at all options again? Why choose when I can do both?
I had interesting experience lately. While going back home on the bus late evening I was standing in front of bus' glass door and whole ride home I was looking at my reflection in front of changing vistas and driving cars. It wasn't mirror image though, it was dark, colorless and with dead eyes. It almost felt like there was this darker side of me on the other side of the door staring back at me. It felt so much more real because I know there are still things lingering in me and that event almost gave them a face. Strange and kind of creepy.
I've read "How to become ..." and I rate it 4/5 with "read it again" stamper on it. It's not perfect and it's hypocritical at times, but it gives quite an interesting perspective at a couple of issues. As I'll be going through AM (only 1-2 weeks left!) I'll read it at least once more to see how I've changed my perspective on it, if nothing more. I'm thinking what self-help book to read next, I'll probably go with "The Slight Edge" because why not! I've heard it's good and maybe there will be something worthwhile in it.
My anger issues decreased, or rather I have more control over it. It's like "look, it's not a big deal, wait some or make some action but don't get emotional". Also I've had quite a lot of strange dreams this week. It's very hard to interpret them and the only thing I got from them is that consciously I'm still detached from issues I struggled with earlier this fall, even if in my subconscious they still are somewhere, hiding or dying.
Last thing, probably most important. Yesterday I went to professor at my faculty to talk with him about my thesis. I've never had classes with him, but his research is interesting and his standing is quite high, so I might use it to my advantage. There is a problem however as subconsciously feel it's not the best decision to go to him. Nothing's been set in stone just yet and I have time so I can try and pursue this path and retreat later on. Also despite this fear (or uncertainty rather) I don't better options for me than this. Should I take a leap of faith and keep going or step back and look at all options again? Why choose when I can do both?
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
