Mateunio's Life Tune Up 5G 3.1 Journal

[Mystic Pymp]

I want to be prepared for AM run well, I want to know what mindset to expect from new sub as well as what behavior to encourage. I'm a little scared to be honest that I'll become jerk kind of guy, but with enough self-control and development I will change in alpha direction while staying true to who I AM.

Don't fear this because there is nothing to fear. AM6 made me a kinder, better person. A jerk is not an alpha male, a jerk is acting like an alpha male.

I know your right since journals prove your point (maybe except for objectifying women left and right, but it's more because of earlier issues or certain blogs they are reading like bible. just saying). Still there is this fear in me, maybe it's fear or unknown or kind of resistance. I doesn't matter though as long as it will not be stopping me from putting my headset while playing AM. And I know it won't.

Day 92

Some time ago I wrote about me taking on a hobby to meet new people and be more outgoing. I don't have time for that, but opportunity for something similar came in form of Khet tournament. Khet is game similar to chess, but with laser and different pieces, google it if you're interested. Tournament will be on next week and today in between my classes I went to training session, knowing nobody in there and never playing this game before - quite out of character for me. Anyhow I had quite a fun, people were very friendly and I even got to play with very beautiful girl. And I mention this only because it wasn't really a big deal for me, when I was in phase I was playing as if she was my good colleague. Only later it stroke me. And BTW there was draw 1:1, quite nice for someone who played the game for the first time ^^

I'm having some issues though, in particular I'm having mood swings. At one time I am very merry and careless and 10 minutes later I can be angry and passive-aggressive. Fortunately those swings are controllable if I want to, but they show there are some issues I still need to resolve. I just hope they will show themselves soon enough so I know what to deal with.