11-26-2014, 06:06 AM
Day 87
I feel good. Lots of things I'd want to discuss, most of them I'll keep to myself not to bore or I'll discuss them when I start AM. Second category is due to me starting reading "How to become an alpha" as per AM instructions (seems to be just right as I consider LTU kind of AM stage 0
).
I'd like to discuss my today's conversation with postdoc I've just ended laboratory classes with. Today my whole group talked with her about stuff, mainly life and work. And it left me kind of sad. Maybe not sad, but worried or disturbed. She's 30 and already her life is nothing but work. She is nice and friendly, but it didn't sound like she can do anything with her life anymore. Mind that she didn't sound miserable, I'd call her content instead. Content is this strange state where you're neither happy nor sad, you just exist. It seemed that her only purpose is work and if not for that there would be nothing for her. She didn't mention anything beside it and it felt like it was on purpose. She doesn't have a boyfriend and she is not some kind of beauty, but I'm sure if she done her hair and put on some make-up she'd look fabulous. And you know what is the worst? That my colleagues smiled and laughed bitterly, but it was clear they almost know this is what will await them. I wanted to say something, that you must be optimistic and aim high, but I'd be laughed at.
What is important for me is this - if I didn't start the subs, if I didn't commit to better myself, would this who I'd become? Is it still danger for me? Becoming content, like kind of plant of cattle, working from 8 to 8 at Uni and having this sense of fulfillment as I do my research, but feeling like a robot inside. I promise myself I'll never become that, never!
I feel good. Lots of things I'd want to discuss, most of them I'll keep to myself not to bore or I'll discuss them when I start AM. Second category is due to me starting reading "How to become an alpha" as per AM instructions (seems to be just right as I consider LTU kind of AM stage 0
).I'd like to discuss my today's conversation with postdoc I've just ended laboratory classes with. Today my whole group talked with her about stuff, mainly life and work. And it left me kind of sad. Maybe not sad, but worried or disturbed. She's 30 and already her life is nothing but work. She is nice and friendly, but it didn't sound like she can do anything with her life anymore. Mind that she didn't sound miserable, I'd call her content instead. Content is this strange state where you're neither happy nor sad, you just exist. It seemed that her only purpose is work and if not for that there would be nothing for her. She didn't mention anything beside it and it felt like it was on purpose. She doesn't have a boyfriend and she is not some kind of beauty, but I'm sure if she done her hair and put on some make-up she'd look fabulous. And you know what is the worst? That my colleagues smiled and laughed bitterly, but it was clear they almost know this is what will await them. I wanted to say something, that you must be optimistic and aim high, but I'd be laughed at.
What is important for me is this - if I didn't start the subs, if I didn't commit to better myself, would this who I'd become? Is it still danger for me? Becoming content, like kind of plant of cattle, working from 8 to 8 at Uni and having this sense of fulfillment as I do my research, but feeling like a robot inside. I promise myself I'll never become that, never!
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
