11-13-2014, 08:34 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-13-2014, 08:57 AM by Mystic Pymp.)
Day 74
One of those worse days for me, so this update might be pessimistic.
Recently I've mentioned how my roommate has total confidence that I will meet get into this student exchange deal. And I must admit it flattered me - I knew I can do it because otherwise I would discard it from the start, but that really strengthened my resolve. However recently I reminded myself of similar happening and it wasn't so pleasant. In January I've made a wager with my cousin over if I will find myself a girlfriend in 2014. Back then I was negativity incarnate and heartbroken so of course I thought it won't happen, but he believed in me and said that I will do it. Back then it also flattered me, but I didn't give much thought to it. 10 months later I think sadly about it as apparently I've failed him. Well, I still have 1.5 months, but unless she will fall from the sky nothing will change. Funny thing is all my family always says how nice, clever and handsome guy I am. How come this is true if I have so few friends and I tend to push away people with my "niceness". How come everyone says how clever I am, but I feel stupid like a brick. How come people look up my future bright but I fear it, paralyzed by possibility of failure or getting into dead end of misery.
TL;DR People think of me much more highly than I think of myself. And reality seems to support my case.
One of those worse days for me, so this update might be pessimistic.
Recently I've mentioned how my roommate has total confidence that I will meet get into this student exchange deal. And I must admit it flattered me - I knew I can do it because otherwise I would discard it from the start, but that really strengthened my resolve. However recently I reminded myself of similar happening and it wasn't so pleasant. In January I've made a wager with my cousin over if I will find myself a girlfriend in 2014. Back then I was negativity incarnate and heartbroken so of course I thought it won't happen, but he believed in me and said that I will do it. Back then it also flattered me, but I didn't give much thought to it. 10 months later I think sadly about it as apparently I've failed him. Well, I still have 1.5 months, but unless she will fall from the sky nothing will change. Funny thing is all my family always says how nice, clever and handsome guy I am. How come this is true if I have so few friends and I tend to push away people with my "niceness". How come everyone says how clever I am, but I feel stupid like a brick. How come people look up my future bright but I fear it, paralyzed by possibility of failure or getting into dead end of misery.
TL;DR People think of me much more highly than I think of myself. And reality seems to support my case.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
