11-09-2014, 01:42 PM
Day 70
I feel good. I feel very good actually. I feel so good in fact that I almost worry about it. It's the middle of November, I should be down and tired of life, instead I'm doing plenty of work with my studying, I'm being sociable and more fun around others than ever before. I'm tend to be more mature, but often times rude as well if I disagree with others opinion, which is 100 times better than being passive-aggressive even if there are improvements to be done. I've even went for run today (5k) while I'd never do it at this time of the year. I've had my first good conversation with my parents since academic year started. My intuition is sharp and works well. And last but not least I'll be going tomorrow to the cinema with my female friend - it's nothing like a date but it's still nice to know some girl doesn't consider me complete loser and wants to hang out with me. There is probably more, but I there is no point in continuing on.
But it seems almost too perfect. It almost feels as if pressure was building up in me and someday something or someone will trigger explosion. I can't really explain it, but I almost feel like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. Maybe it's that in past I'd hold and assimilate this negativity and now I won't do that anymore and it gets stored somewhere to rot and get to light one day, or maybe it's just my pessimism when I've escaped sinusoidal cycle and things are getting bright. We'll see in the coming weeks.
Because I need good boundaries and strong commitment not to change things at the last moment I've decided I'll start running AM6 on 20th of December. LTU works very well and if AM6 is as awesome as some people say I will surely not regret using new sub. Long Christmas holiday will allow me to get used to new sub without stress and give me a lot of exposure at the start. I can't wait to see the AM6 in action!
Last thing I've noticed recently. I've wanted to apply to the student exchange to Japan this year, but I couldn't due to years requirements. However I will be able to apply next year and my roommate is always saying when I mention I will apply for it next year: "You will GO there next year". As if it's certain I will bet through formalities and I will meet requirements. I have lots of doubt about it, after all so many people will apply, many of them brilliant minds with awesome credentials, but his replies reassure me. It's pretty funny how others have more faith in me than I have.
I feel good. I feel very good actually. I feel so good in fact that I almost worry about it. It's the middle of November, I should be down and tired of life, instead I'm doing plenty of work with my studying, I'm being sociable and more fun around others than ever before. I'm tend to be more mature, but often times rude as well if I disagree with others opinion, which is 100 times better than being passive-aggressive even if there are improvements to be done. I've even went for run today (5k) while I'd never do it at this time of the year. I've had my first good conversation with my parents since academic year started. My intuition is sharp and works well. And last but not least I'll be going tomorrow to the cinema with my female friend - it's nothing like a date but it's still nice to know some girl doesn't consider me complete loser and wants to hang out with me. There is probably more, but I there is no point in continuing on.
But it seems almost too perfect. It almost feels as if pressure was building up in me and someday something or someone will trigger explosion. I can't really explain it, but I almost feel like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. Maybe it's that in past I'd hold and assimilate this negativity and now I won't do that anymore and it gets stored somewhere to rot and get to light one day, or maybe it's just my pessimism when I've escaped sinusoidal cycle and things are getting bright. We'll see in the coming weeks.
Because I need good boundaries and strong commitment not to change things at the last moment I've decided I'll start running AM6 on 20th of December. LTU works very well and if AM6 is as awesome as some people say I will surely not regret using new sub. Long Christmas holiday will allow me to get used to new sub without stress and give me a lot of exposure at the start. I can't wait to see the AM6 in action!
Last thing I've noticed recently. I've wanted to apply to the student exchange to Japan this year, but I couldn't due to years requirements. However I will be able to apply next year and my roommate is always saying when I mention I will apply for it next year: "You will GO there next year". As if it's certain I will bet through formalities and I will meet requirements. I have lots of doubt about it, after all so many people will apply, many of them brilliant minds with awesome credentials, but his replies reassure me. It's pretty funny how others have more faith in me than I have.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
