10-31-2014, 02:49 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-31-2014, 03:02 PM by Mystic Pymp.)
Day 61
It's end of second month of me listening to LTU and I feel puzzled. It's so hard it's almost painful for me to write this really. There are so many conflicting thoughts and emotions I can't control. Anyhow, I'll try to do short summary and get some thoughts together.
First of all it's hard to believe month has passed. Maybe it was because of end of vacation or something, but this month seemed at least 3 months long. Many things happened and whatever was thrown at me I either managed to dodge or soundly defeat. However this month's enemy was myself. When bad day stroke I was negative and fearful. Even as I'm writing this there is so much self-hate and self-anger that I feel almost powerless against it. I know I'm not however, and that is what keeps me going.
On better note I was much more pleasant to be around and more sociable than before. I think I was also more mature, or at least I tried. I didn't have as much exposure as I'd like to (I estimate about 8 hours/day, mainly during sleep and in public transport), but changes were noticeable. There were some interesting coincidences that keep my hopes high, but as always with these sorts of things I may dig in too deep, so I won't comment on that unless it will have it's conclusion (I have no idea what OE 2.0 does in LTU, but I trust in it!).
There are many things I'm unhappy with last month. I studied too little, I ate badly etc. So in November I'm gonna try to improve my habits. And so this is my three point pledge:
1) I will study everyday at least 1 hour/day. It has to be connected with my college faculty. I think I'm gonna buy e-book reader to make reading easier and more accessible than it is on laptop.
2) I'm gonna eat smarter. Instead of eating junk food I'll either eat in affordable restaurants or prepare something decent myself.
3) I'm gonna start exercising, even if it's gonna be just a couple of push-ups per day. I don't like fitness clubs and living with my room-mate makes it difficult and awkward, but I feel I must to something with my body.
Edit
There is one more thing, I think it's interesting and may be potentially important for me later on as kind of symbolic thing. Some days ago I dreamed about world of Morrowind, the video game. It's not just a video game, it's topic I've spent days on not only playing the game itself, but also reading on the web and things like that. It's been 2 year since I've been really invested in it last time and even though I still follow some associated things (I've completed Skyrim this summer for example), I didn't give it much thought lately. This dream changed it, now I not only have big desire (but not obsessive one) to play it, but I also made custom wallpaper in it's climate and learnt one of the poems from this game I've always liked, but never even though or learning it. This game has strong emotional connections to me and I wonder why my subconscious was reminded of it right now. Anyhow I plan to play and complete it (I've done it only once, about despite thousands of hours put into it) to see where it goes. Is it me putting to rest old demons? Or is it just my childhood nostalgia kicking in?
It's end of second month of me listening to LTU and I feel puzzled. It's so hard it's almost painful for me to write this really. There are so many conflicting thoughts and emotions I can't control. Anyhow, I'll try to do short summary and get some thoughts together.
First of all it's hard to believe month has passed. Maybe it was because of end of vacation or something, but this month seemed at least 3 months long. Many things happened and whatever was thrown at me I either managed to dodge or soundly defeat. However this month's enemy was myself. When bad day stroke I was negative and fearful. Even as I'm writing this there is so much self-hate and self-anger that I feel almost powerless against it. I know I'm not however, and that is what keeps me going.
On better note I was much more pleasant to be around and more sociable than before. I think I was also more mature, or at least I tried. I didn't have as much exposure as I'd like to (I estimate about 8 hours/day, mainly during sleep and in public transport), but changes were noticeable. There were some interesting coincidences that keep my hopes high, but as always with these sorts of things I may dig in too deep, so I won't comment on that unless it will have it's conclusion (I have no idea what OE 2.0 does in LTU, but I trust in it!).
There are many things I'm unhappy with last month. I studied too little, I ate badly etc. So in November I'm gonna try to improve my habits. And so this is my three point pledge:
1) I will study everyday at least 1 hour/day. It has to be connected with my college faculty. I think I'm gonna buy e-book reader to make reading easier and more accessible than it is on laptop.
2) I'm gonna eat smarter. Instead of eating junk food I'll either eat in affordable restaurants or prepare something decent myself.
3) I'm gonna start exercising, even if it's gonna be just a couple of push-ups per day. I don't like fitness clubs and living with my room-mate makes it difficult and awkward, but I feel I must to something with my body.
Edit
There is one more thing, I think it's interesting and may be potentially important for me later on as kind of symbolic thing. Some days ago I dreamed about world of Morrowind, the video game. It's not just a video game, it's topic I've spent days on not only playing the game itself, but also reading on the web and things like that. It's been 2 year since I've been really invested in it last time and even though I still follow some associated things (I've completed Skyrim this summer for example), I didn't give it much thought lately. This dream changed it, now I not only have big desire (but not obsessive one) to play it, but I also made custom wallpaper in it's climate and learnt one of the poems from this game I've always liked, but never even though or learning it. This game has strong emotional connections to me and I wonder why my subconscious was reminded of it right now. Anyhow I plan to play and complete it (I've done it only once, about despite thousands of hours put into it) to see where it goes. Is it me putting to rest old demons? Or is it just my childhood nostalgia kicking in?
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
