10-27-2014, 08:28 AM
Finally some positivity from one of my journals. Shannon, your post really made something click inside of me. I can see a huge error I came across when I was around 16 and first dove into meditation and mindfulness practices.
Growing up I guess I had an aversion to feeling my emotions. Probably because they were painful and I had no compassion for myself. I turned to methods of letting go of emotions and ideas like being an observer. But my letting go was actually a clever form of suppression. I had deluded myself to believe that I had gained mastery over my emotions when it couldn't have been further from the truth. The worst part was after a while these emotions were completely invisible to my conscious mind and I'd behave solely from my instinctual responses. I'm beginning to understand what it means to experience an emotion and let it go.
In addition to that I feel like I'm getting in touch with my humanity. Which might seem like an odd idea to some people. But I had a very consistent habit of deeming negative emotions as wrong and every time I experienced them I had failed in some way. I only wanted positivity. Experiencing the full range of emotions is what it means to be a human, but that doesn't mean you have to be controlled by them.
Growing up I guess I had an aversion to feeling my emotions. Probably because they were painful and I had no compassion for myself. I turned to methods of letting go of emotions and ideas like being an observer. But my letting go was actually a clever form of suppression. I had deluded myself to believe that I had gained mastery over my emotions when it couldn't have been further from the truth. The worst part was after a while these emotions were completely invisible to my conscious mind and I'd behave solely from my instinctual responses. I'm beginning to understand what it means to experience an emotion and let it go.
In addition to that I feel like I'm getting in touch with my humanity. Which might seem like an odd idea to some people. But I had a very consistent habit of deeming negative emotions as wrong and every time I experienced them I had failed in some way. I only wanted positivity. Experiencing the full range of emotions is what it means to be a human, but that doesn't mean you have to be controlled by them.
