10-23-2014, 06:43 PM
I've come to the realization that me and EPRHA do not play nice, at all. I've had moments at night and listening during the day where I felt incredibly nauseous and got this agitated feeling of needing to pull the headphones off. It's the masked version, not the ultrasonic. Also I tend to find myself waking up in the morning curled up into a fetal position. Not only that, but sometimes I wake up in the morning and notice that my speakers have miraculously been turned down.
I'm starting to think that these aren't exactly painful emotions that are being removed, but rather resistance from my subconscious mind. To put it simply, my life has been hell. I've internalized a lot of things in my mind that protect me from stuff. But that protection is essentially avoidance, and avoidance doesn't solve anything and just makes anxiety worse. The problem is one I've found running similar subs in the past. Removal of the subconscious blocks to allow me to move on with my life would simultaneously open me up to all that I fear as well. So it's like a tug of war in my head, except my subconscious mind is a 300lb juggernaut. Guess I just have to keep chipping away at that resistance. In the past I'd rack my brain trying to figure out what ways I could overcome it. But now I'm thinking it doesn't matter, nothing I do consciously will have much of an impact so I shouldn't waste my energy fighting it and constantly analyzing it in my head.
I'm starting to think that these aren't exactly painful emotions that are being removed, but rather resistance from my subconscious mind. To put it simply, my life has been hell. I've internalized a lot of things in my mind that protect me from stuff. But that protection is essentially avoidance, and avoidance doesn't solve anything and just makes anxiety worse. The problem is one I've found running similar subs in the past. Removal of the subconscious blocks to allow me to move on with my life would simultaneously open me up to all that I fear as well. So it's like a tug of war in my head, except my subconscious mind is a 300lb juggernaut. Guess I just have to keep chipping away at that resistance. In the past I'd rack my brain trying to figure out what ways I could overcome it. But now I'm thinking it doesn't matter, nothing I do consciously will have much of an impact so I shouldn't waste my energy fighting it and constantly analyzing it in my head.
