(01-04-2011, 01:23 PM)WildFlower Wrote:Quote:EDIT: I would be so grateful of you,Shannon, if you made a seperate subliminal that dealt with Sexual escalation/Confidence/Dominance directly. I believe Wildflower made a suggestion to this. and this has been a sticking point of mine. This has plagued me my whole life.
It's obvious to me where I developed this "do not show interest; interest = neediness" belief from - seeing all the try hard's fail. I've perhaps leaned to far in the other direction though. Discretion is often needed in these situations as to how much is too much; how much is too little; and how much is just right. Goldilocks and the three bears. It isn't a one size fits all either; there is a time to be aloof and mysterious, and a time to "go out and get em'". I do fear, though, that a sexual escalation sub for someone who hasn't gone through the Alpha set, or someone who has that value naturally, could be a disaster. Hot blooded without the smooth, alpha maturity is just desperation and not at all attractive. The Alpha who remains cool, calm and under control in the vast majority of circumstances, but then, at others takes the risk and goes for the kill, expresses his interest, is - I imagine (no homo) - unbelievably sexy. Like I said, without the core, you won't be able to pull it off.
Wild, I too went through all of that a few months back and still do struggle from time to time. However... I realized, by playing too hard or by showing no interest, I didn't get what I wanted, because they thought I was either uninterested OR I was a complete asshole trying to ditch them to show that I wasn't so easy... I realized, the more I became a ladies man, the more I was able to show interest without being a loser. Now I show interest, usually after the girl has come to me. From that point on, I'll be somewhat of a tease and the sweet girl who leads guys on, but I don't hurt them at the same time.
The other night when I was with my date. I was thinking, god I wish she'd kiss me at New Years, I want to make out so bad (a state of neediness, obviously). I let things unfold and she didn't kiss me. Later on, I was in my head wondering why she's not advancing. She obviously liked me, was giving me strong eye contact, flirting, I wanted to advance things so bad. So what I do? I said screw it, I want it, I'll take it! I invited her outside with me while I smoked a cig, she scooted closer, I wrapped my arm around her, she got even closer and more comfortable then I grabbed her kissed her, let everything else unfold and invited myself to sleep over. I had to stop thinking about what it was I needed to do in order to get the girl to come on to me or to do something, like I felt like I NEEDED verification that what I was doing wasn't wrong. Yet, she told me later on how disappointed she was when I did not kiss her at midnight! Shy girls are especially hard when it comes to this.
When I realized the power I had a few months back, it was incredible, I could literally do anything I wanted to these girls and they did not freak out. I would tell them to scoot over and sit next to me, put my arm around them, and let things happen. Another time, I grabbed a girl to sit next to me and started fingering her under the table at a restaurant. I even grabbed a girl and wrote my number down her arm. All of these are moments where I told myself, f- it, I want it so I will take it, after wards they all told me the same thing, I have been waiting forever for that!
Need to get in your head immediately, that you have too much power as a man to let women have their way with you. Sometimes, you need to tell/show them what to do.
