01-01-2011, 08:57 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-01-2011, 09:49 AM by WildFlower.)
It was new year's eve last year which sparked me to start the Alpha Sub. For myself, and I guess a lot of people, new years is a reflective time, and at 12 O clock last year I was sat at a quiet, boring houseparty, semi-unsatisfied with where I was in life and who I was in life. It wasn't so much the houseparty that was the issue but myself within the houseparty.
I had just come out of a long relationship which ended pretty painfully. I was OK day-to-day emotionally, just disillusioned with all the insecurities which arise when the false sense of security, and dependence that comes from a relationship just vanish into thin air. In such situations you are forced to take a long hard look at yourself. "When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you". I had to face the insecurities I had - I knew I had them at one point, but I thought suppressing them meant they had gone away - I had to face that I felt largely inferior to a lot of people; Ugly a lot of the time; shy; un-confident; etc. New year was the icing on the cake and I turned seriously to Subliminals. I had used them, including Shannon's, casually in the past but now it was time to go serious and I bought the Alpha male sub with pretty much the only money I had in my bank account at the time and started my journey. I didn't have a plan for my journey I just knew I wanted a journey; a constant moving away from the mundane, to actually live life rather than dream it away. I felt my insecurities where making me hold of on actually living life, I wanted the life I had in my fantasies (fantasies not being held in a straight jacket by insecurities).
For the first part of the year I felt totally liberated although ironically not fully myself. But it was change and change was welcome. At the time it felt like it was me without the shackles but in hindsight I realise I was emphasizing and exercising muscles that where previously neglected and unnatural to me. A little cartoonish and exaggerated. Although I fully realise the importance of fully living, being and feeling the stereotype as if it was myself, before I could become myself again only with those muscles now fully functioning and natural. The second part of my year has all about settling back into my boots - not as the old me but the new me. Expressing myself as me, living from my depth. Alpha male has freed me but it's really being since finishing the set that I've felt the stabilisers have come of and I've being able to stand on my own two feet without it's, or anyone else's, support or reliance. I feel self guided rather than guided by the Subliminal. Women Magnet hasn't cut as deep as Alpha male and it's change is more about outward personality tweaks rather than deep personality change, so I don't think I'll experience the same 'stabilisers coming of' when I finish it shortly.
This has all happened in the course of a year and in stark contrast to last new years party I counted down to 12 this year sat on the back of an 8 foot plastic rhino with a really cool girl. It was only today I thought back to where I was at the same time 365 days earlier and remembered the feeling of being sat at my friends house party. It feels now like a hell of a long time ago. There is a distinct contrast to my inner and outer life then to my inner and outer life now.
The end of 2010 hasn't marked the end of the journey for me. In many ways I'm starting 2011 with a larger 'to do' list than I started 2010 with. I headed into 2010 wanting pretty much just more confidence and more success with Women.
For 2011 I'm now utterly focused on finding a new, more enjoyable, better paid job that I know I'm qualified and capable to do. I mentioned that at the time I bought Alpha male I had just enough money in my account to afford the set. This is in stark contrast to now where I have a lot of money saved up; Alpha male got me serious about my job, my future, my money. This part of my life now takes high priority on my list of things to do, where as at the start of 2010 it wasn't a serious concern.
With regards Women I'm spoilt for choice right now. In the past I wanted a relationship out of a dependence mindset, I wanted the security and reassurance of it. That was one of the first things to vanish and it hasn't returned since. I have very high standards both for myself and for whoever I have a relationship with. I hope 2011 sees me attract a Women more subtitle to my personality than I'm currently attracting. For the whole of 2010 every women I've been with hasn't got me excited about the prospect of a relationship. All attractive too. This is again in stark contrast to how I started the year; I'd of took a relationship of everyone of those Women if you had offered me it back then.
I hope to life 2011 more present, more full, more rich, vibrant, colourful, moment to moment, free. Seize the day is working well for that, although I think a more powerful sub for it could be made. I'm reaching the end of Women Magnet now and it's done it's job so well it's actually becoming a nuisance to me.
Hope you all had a good new year, and I look forward to see how much more of our own potentials we can fulfil this year.
I had just come out of a long relationship which ended pretty painfully. I was OK day-to-day emotionally, just disillusioned with all the insecurities which arise when the false sense of security, and dependence that comes from a relationship just vanish into thin air. In such situations you are forced to take a long hard look at yourself. "When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you". I had to face the insecurities I had - I knew I had them at one point, but I thought suppressing them meant they had gone away - I had to face that I felt largely inferior to a lot of people; Ugly a lot of the time; shy; un-confident; etc. New year was the icing on the cake and I turned seriously to Subliminals. I had used them, including Shannon's, casually in the past but now it was time to go serious and I bought the Alpha male sub with pretty much the only money I had in my bank account at the time and started my journey. I didn't have a plan for my journey I just knew I wanted a journey; a constant moving away from the mundane, to actually live life rather than dream it away. I felt my insecurities where making me hold of on actually living life, I wanted the life I had in my fantasies (fantasies not being held in a straight jacket by insecurities).
For the first part of the year I felt totally liberated although ironically not fully myself. But it was change and change was welcome. At the time it felt like it was me without the shackles but in hindsight I realise I was emphasizing and exercising muscles that where previously neglected and unnatural to me. A little cartoonish and exaggerated. Although I fully realise the importance of fully living, being and feeling the stereotype as if it was myself, before I could become myself again only with those muscles now fully functioning and natural. The second part of my year has all about settling back into my boots - not as the old me but the new me. Expressing myself as me, living from my depth. Alpha male has freed me but it's really being since finishing the set that I've felt the stabilisers have come of and I've being able to stand on my own two feet without it's, or anyone else's, support or reliance. I feel self guided rather than guided by the Subliminal. Women Magnet hasn't cut as deep as Alpha male and it's change is more about outward personality tweaks rather than deep personality change, so I don't think I'll experience the same 'stabilisers coming of' when I finish it shortly.
This has all happened in the course of a year and in stark contrast to last new years party I counted down to 12 this year sat on the back of an 8 foot plastic rhino with a really cool girl. It was only today I thought back to where I was at the same time 365 days earlier and remembered the feeling of being sat at my friends house party. It feels now like a hell of a long time ago. There is a distinct contrast to my inner and outer life then to my inner and outer life now.
The end of 2010 hasn't marked the end of the journey for me. In many ways I'm starting 2011 with a larger 'to do' list than I started 2010 with. I headed into 2010 wanting pretty much just more confidence and more success with Women.
For 2011 I'm now utterly focused on finding a new, more enjoyable, better paid job that I know I'm qualified and capable to do. I mentioned that at the time I bought Alpha male I had just enough money in my account to afford the set. This is in stark contrast to now where I have a lot of money saved up; Alpha male got me serious about my job, my future, my money. This part of my life now takes high priority on my list of things to do, where as at the start of 2010 it wasn't a serious concern.
With regards Women I'm spoilt for choice right now. In the past I wanted a relationship out of a dependence mindset, I wanted the security and reassurance of it. That was one of the first things to vanish and it hasn't returned since. I have very high standards both for myself and for whoever I have a relationship with. I hope 2011 sees me attract a Women more subtitle to my personality than I'm currently attracting. For the whole of 2010 every women I've been with hasn't got me excited about the prospect of a relationship. All attractive too. This is again in stark contrast to how I started the year; I'd of took a relationship of everyone of those Women if you had offered me it back then.
I hope to life 2011 more present, more full, more rich, vibrant, colourful, moment to moment, free. Seize the day is working well for that, although I think a more powerful sub for it could be made. I'm reaching the end of Women Magnet now and it's done it's job so well it's actually becoming a nuisance to me.
Hope you all had a good new year, and I look forward to see how much more of our own potentials we can fulfil this year.
“To be normal is the ideal aim of the unsuccessful.” - Carl Jung
