12-31-2010, 10:53 AM
(12-31-2010, 07:01 AM)RainbowAbyss Wrote: two weeks left in stage 3
I stand by myself and believe in myself more than I ever have
and I am in general much more confident and willing to 'do me'.
I am also going CRAZY at times, things that upset make me want to put a fist through a wall.
my best friend of 15 years screwed me over so hardcore tonight that I just want to destroy stuff right now-I have felt like this for the last 6 hours-its like a knife in my chest and aggressiveness that will not relent. Every couple years I have breakdowns like this but instead of going into self pity I'm just over the deep end in rage. Needless to say I don't think I am going to see this guy again. Its funny because this stage makes me feel tempered and then just so crazy, I'm having a hard time believing this stage is even working at times. I feel almost like my old self sometimes, and then just when I think its not working BAM it because so obvious how different I have become. At this point I feel like alpha is taking all my traits and putting them on steroids. I went from giving less crap if I ever was with a girl again to over night only caring about sex, its so weird.To be honest after an intentional two month intentional celibacy+maybe alpha set my testosterone seems to have taken over, I am back in the gym 5 days a week and all I want to do is have sex. Also it takes a lot for me to like a girl, but if I like her now, I will pursue to the ends of the earth, its not a needy thing, its just like I am imperturbable and relentless. I can't seem to help it, its kind of annoying, in fact I seem UNABLE to walk away, all this is so weird cause I thought alpha did the opposite. My social is way up, I realize I have been really afraid of getting hurt by people I am close to, or start to become close to, and that is all that seems to be happening lately, this is the first time in years this emotional pain is so incapacitating. Anyway I've been up for two days and probably just need some sleep.
i know what you mean dude ive been experiencing this as well with stage three and all i can say is at least its working. i feel so much more in control of my self then before. Being afraid of getting hurt by getting close to someone is one inhibition i have had that has crippled me for to long. Thats probably why i have a hard time showing my emotions...
But everything will be ok and like Ryan said get some sleep
