05-05-2014, 08:29 AM
Well Fonzy, In Oct-Nov 2013 I was lost thinking that the “things” that I had were what defined me. I drove a 2010 Jetta off the lot with 6.8 miles and wrote it off in Oct 2013 w/ 54,680 miles. I support stupid strong and successful marriages, but in a moment of weakness I messed around with a married gal who then divorced 2 weeks later. Last but not least I had a very high paying/ status job where I live which I was fired from because I was so arrogant in my abilities that I was coasting, so when I got thrown under the bus I had no reputation or positive recent work history to protect me. I couldn’t handle being alone and jumped from girl to girl or relationship to relationship I should say. I wouldn’t go home until about 1230 am every single day. I believe that this had to do with me not being ok with sitting around on my own and maybe a modicum of fear of what I would say to myself.
I was so negative about getting back into my job that, I believe it was through the laws of attraction that I repelled any opportunity to get back into it. I didn’t work/pull unemployment, etc. for 3 months. At month 2 I started AM 5. Within a short amount of time….. Whoa… Just read some of my early journals (pre-march) and I do not connect with them at all. Vaguely remember writing them. Just do not identify with a lot of the weakness, neediness and angst in them.
So… being alone, my own best friend and all that jazz. I enjoy being around others and yet when I’m by myself I’m perfectly content and don’t feel the need to have someone else validate me with their presence or conversation. I can just sit in silence and think without getting anxious anything (used to freak me out after 30 sec) I talk to who I like, but socially I realize I have had very limited emotional intelligence in the past, so I’m working on that right now. I talk a lot more positively now then I used to. My self-talk is often times more constructive than destructive. I know I got this and for the first time in my life it’s cold 100% confidence vs. thanks for your faith and now I believe in me. It’s so incredible! Shannon is definitely a master at his craft.
If there is something more specific that you want to hear about Fonzy then let me know.
Ike
I was so negative about getting back into my job that, I believe it was through the laws of attraction that I repelled any opportunity to get back into it. I didn’t work/pull unemployment, etc. for 3 months. At month 2 I started AM 5. Within a short amount of time….. Whoa… Just read some of my early journals (pre-march) and I do not connect with them at all. Vaguely remember writing them. Just do not identify with a lot of the weakness, neediness and angst in them.
So… being alone, my own best friend and all that jazz. I enjoy being around others and yet when I’m by myself I’m perfectly content and don’t feel the need to have someone else validate me with their presence or conversation. I can just sit in silence and think without getting anxious anything (used to freak me out after 30 sec) I talk to who I like, but socially I realize I have had very limited emotional intelligence in the past, so I’m working on that right now. I talk a lot more positively now then I used to. My self-talk is often times more constructive than destructive. I know I got this and for the first time in my life it’s cold 100% confidence vs. thanks for your faith and now I believe in me. It’s so incredible! Shannon is definitely a master at his craft.
If there is something more specific that you want to hear about Fonzy then let me know.
Ike
