04-02-2014, 06:02 PM
AM 5.0, Stage 3 - Day 32, 10-12 hrs/Day
So in this last week I have went through a whole bunch of stupid resistance crap. Two days after my last update I went into anti-social "All women are conniving" mode. That lasted a day or two, pushed through it, but not without going through a bunch of super vivid dreams/ nightmares.
Almost all were about sex and I broke down and ended up craving porn three days in a row and then after the last dream on monday I had no desire for porn in the slightest (normally it's in the back of my head and I push it away) As well, noticing that the women at the restaurant that I work at are acting different. Mostly because I started delegating and directing them when they all stand around yapping. A week ago I cared, now, not at all. Having to fight the urge to hunker down.
Looking forward to the change on day 35 due to a couple mess ups during the month. Very curious about how it's going to affect me as well as adding maybe adding OGSF for stage 4 or.... Maybe just waiting till stage 5 to do Seek The Challenge. I remember reading when I first came on here that a lot of times people discover subs and then leap on everything and they screw themselves up.... NO DOUBT... When you find a solution for the crap that you have had trouble changing your whole life. I'm 32 and in 3 months AM 5.0 Has managed to do what I have had trouble doing for the last two years on my own. Namely accepting and loving myself. Realizing that I have value (still working on this one). Accepting that I deserve a great life, etc. It's nuts!
As a side note after looking around.. I may do LTU for three months before WM or AM 6.0, but ultimately that depends on where I'm at when AM5.0 is done.
So in this last week I have went through a whole bunch of stupid resistance crap. Two days after my last update I went into anti-social "All women are conniving" mode. That lasted a day or two, pushed through it, but not without going through a bunch of super vivid dreams/ nightmares.
Almost all were about sex and I broke down and ended up craving porn three days in a row and then after the last dream on monday I had no desire for porn in the slightest (normally it's in the back of my head and I push it away) As well, noticing that the women at the restaurant that I work at are acting different. Mostly because I started delegating and directing them when they all stand around yapping. A week ago I cared, now, not at all. Having to fight the urge to hunker down.
Looking forward to the change on day 35 due to a couple mess ups during the month. Very curious about how it's going to affect me as well as adding maybe adding OGSF for stage 4 or.... Maybe just waiting till stage 5 to do Seek The Challenge. I remember reading when I first came on here that a lot of times people discover subs and then leap on everything and they screw themselves up.... NO DOUBT... When you find a solution for the crap that you have had trouble changing your whole life. I'm 32 and in 3 months AM 5.0 Has managed to do what I have had trouble doing for the last two years on my own. Namely accepting and loving myself. Realizing that I have value (still working on this one). Accepting that I deserve a great life, etc. It's nuts!
As a side note after looking around.. I may do LTU for three months before WM or AM 6.0, but ultimately that depends on where I'm at when AM5.0 is done.
