So it's again been a long time since I've posted here, I keep telling myself I will but get busy.
It feels like the effects are starting to level out a lot more recently. I still have very vivid dreams so I know something is still being worked on but I feel no resistance at all except for maybe a slight depression from time to time but its almost to slight to notice. Gone are the days of massive resistance maybe? I suppose I'll only be able to tell once I move onto another sub.
As its been over two months, i'm going to give a rundown on what the sub was aiming to achieve and what has been achieved.
Emotional pain relief
Most definitely. Feelings of loneliness are near on non existent these days and I've noticed when I do get any feelings that feel uncomfortable I am able to sit with them and let them go. This is most likely been what has lead to a decrease in anxiety
Emotional healing
This has been huge. All of the emotional turmoil and damage that was caused by my last relationship seems to have gone. I've also noticed situations like people telling me something isn't good enough don't effect me so much anymore whereas before I felt powerless and weak.
Guilt/shame/fear release
Guilt was something I never thought I really got but that was because I didn't really understand it. I used to feel guilty when others got angry with me even when it was something I didn't do wrong. Now I still feel guilty if I genuinely did do something wrong that goes against my moral judgement but no longer feel guilty for things that are out of my control.
Shame has decreased a lot. I noticed this when I was in talking to my trainer at the gym and he inquired why I rated my self esteem low and was able to talk about being bullied at school without feeling any embarrassment.
Fear I thought for a long time was not changing at all. Then I started looking back and it was in a big way and without me even realizing it, so I had no chance to try and self sabotage my success in this area. This has gone through some big shifts. I now go into meeting not feeling the slightest bit fearful or nervous, I can have a good looking girl talk to me and feel next to no fear, I got told last night that the house I am living in needs to be vacated in 1 month and again no fear. Those are just a few examples, on the other hand the lack of fear has not lead to confidence but has lead to me being able to adjust easily to change and to flow with things rather than fighting till the bitter end to hold onto them. I can't wait to see the effect here once I do another sub that works on confidence again.
Mental/emotional maturity improvement
Can't really say a lot here as I've always been very mentally mature but emotional maturity has improved a lot in a way that being more centered within my emotions I don't over react and throw a tantrum like a little kid.
Self forgiveness
I think this has come along way to not "beating myself up" and being able to let go of my mistakes
Forgiveness of others
I feel I've always been able to forgive others easily, perhaps to easily so I don't think this has done a lot here
Letting go of the past
Yes most definitely yes. I've let go completely of my last relationship. I know this because I can now have dreams about here and I feel no more than any other girl on the street. I've also been able to gradually see her face which I couldn't in the past. I've also let go of a lot of other traumas like watching my best friend die and others I can't mention here due to privacy. I've also accepted and let go of a lot of the bullying that I endured as a child but I still have some work to do there.
Self Validation
This one for me has been a major sticking point that I didn't realize until this sub. I give others power over me even when they don't ask for it and once they have it I find myself having to get validation from them. This has reduced slightly but still has work left to be done. Just the realization of how much power I give away without even realizing has helped and how much I tend to play the victim.
All in all its been an awesome two months. I feel this will make a very strong base for AM possibly more so than any other sub I've done in the past. I feel a lot stronger and more centered within myself and it takes a lot more to get me overwhelmed. Work stress is less even though I have more responsibility and a greater workload.
I plan on running till the three month mark then assessing again and possibly continuing from there.
Edit: I've also recently started investigating nootropics as a way of keeping myself on top of my game at work and in life. The problem I've found is a lot of the more common racetams are classified as prescription only drugs in my country. One i've found that isn't is aniracetam so am considering ordering some to start experimenting with.
It feels like the effects are starting to level out a lot more recently. I still have very vivid dreams so I know something is still being worked on but I feel no resistance at all except for maybe a slight depression from time to time but its almost to slight to notice. Gone are the days of massive resistance maybe? I suppose I'll only be able to tell once I move onto another sub.
As its been over two months, i'm going to give a rundown on what the sub was aiming to achieve and what has been achieved.
Emotional pain relief
Most definitely. Feelings of loneliness are near on non existent these days and I've noticed when I do get any feelings that feel uncomfortable I am able to sit with them and let them go. This is most likely been what has lead to a decrease in anxiety
Emotional healing
This has been huge. All of the emotional turmoil and damage that was caused by my last relationship seems to have gone. I've also noticed situations like people telling me something isn't good enough don't effect me so much anymore whereas before I felt powerless and weak.
Guilt/shame/fear release
Guilt was something I never thought I really got but that was because I didn't really understand it. I used to feel guilty when others got angry with me even when it was something I didn't do wrong. Now I still feel guilty if I genuinely did do something wrong that goes against my moral judgement but no longer feel guilty for things that are out of my control.
Shame has decreased a lot. I noticed this when I was in talking to my trainer at the gym and he inquired why I rated my self esteem low and was able to talk about being bullied at school without feeling any embarrassment.
Fear I thought for a long time was not changing at all. Then I started looking back and it was in a big way and without me even realizing it, so I had no chance to try and self sabotage my success in this area. This has gone through some big shifts. I now go into meeting not feeling the slightest bit fearful or nervous, I can have a good looking girl talk to me and feel next to no fear, I got told last night that the house I am living in needs to be vacated in 1 month and again no fear. Those are just a few examples, on the other hand the lack of fear has not lead to confidence but has lead to me being able to adjust easily to change and to flow with things rather than fighting till the bitter end to hold onto them. I can't wait to see the effect here once I do another sub that works on confidence again.
Mental/emotional maturity improvement
Can't really say a lot here as I've always been very mentally mature but emotional maturity has improved a lot in a way that being more centered within my emotions I don't over react and throw a tantrum like a little kid.
Self forgiveness
I think this has come along way to not "beating myself up" and being able to let go of my mistakes
Forgiveness of others
I feel I've always been able to forgive others easily, perhaps to easily so I don't think this has done a lot here
Letting go of the past
Yes most definitely yes. I've let go completely of my last relationship. I know this because I can now have dreams about here and I feel no more than any other girl on the street. I've also been able to gradually see her face which I couldn't in the past. I've also let go of a lot of other traumas like watching my best friend die and others I can't mention here due to privacy. I've also accepted and let go of a lot of the bullying that I endured as a child but I still have some work to do there.
Self Validation
This one for me has been a major sticking point that I didn't realize until this sub. I give others power over me even when they don't ask for it and once they have it I find myself having to get validation from them. This has reduced slightly but still has work left to be done. Just the realization of how much power I give away without even realizing has helped and how much I tend to play the victim.
All in all its been an awesome two months. I feel this will make a very strong base for AM possibly more so than any other sub I've done in the past. I feel a lot stronger and more centered within myself and it takes a lot more to get me overwhelmed. Work stress is less even though I have more responsibility and a greater workload.
I plan on running till the three month mark then assessing again and possibly continuing from there.
Edit: I've also recently started investigating nootropics as a way of keeping myself on top of my game at work and in life. The problem I've found is a lot of the more common racetams are classified as prescription only drugs in my country. One i've found that isn't is aniracetam so am considering ordering some to start experimenting with.
The only person in life that can ever hold you back is yourself. So get out of your own way and start living the life you always dreamed of
