Thors Journal

[Psiklou]

Pskilou will be good to hear about your progress I really havent gained anything from stage 2 it seemed a waste.

I dont have positive feedbacks to give thor2014.
I am on day 18 stage 2.
Yesterday I broke my nofap, first time since I started the AM6 program (so 50days). It was not an urge like if I was really horny and had to jerk off but more I was feeling down and thinking about the girls opportunities that I missed or that I could not close, yesterday I started back online dating on a new website, then had a friend telling me his successes with girls (bastard). So after all that I was quite down and I dont know exactly what happened even if not horny I wanted to jerk. Firsr time since beginning of AM6.
I still procrastinate big time, I am working on a few things work wise, and health wise. But I dont embrace everything and it is quite painful to work on these.
I had a MILF hooking on me yesterday in a bar, but I dont see it as a major achievement. As I am not so much into milfs, and I could not approach the girls I wanted in the venue.
it does annoy me that there are a few places I want to go but, I am too scared, insecure to go there on my own.
Relation in work, I am not really more assertive or more efficient or more liked lol.
The only "good" things is I realised that I got false believes on a few things:
- colleagues are not friends
- friends have their own issues and sometimes they are not reliable. which is annoying because sometimes I want to have some help that they are not able to provide.
- I cannot blame people to not be for me like I expect them to.
- On a low level: there are things that need to be done in my life.
- On a low level: I use strategy on a few areas of my life: work, family and friends.

So at the end I failed the nofap, changed a few beliefs, I feel (more?) deeply insecure and that lead me to stay as an ermit even if I want to experience new places, talk to pretty girls ( I dont really want to socialise with men or average ladies).
Thats for me thor2014

But I dont plan to stop anything before end of stage3