02-16-2014, 11:49 AM
So something that bugs me a lot is I feel I can only relax at night. And while I don't have insomnia I have anxiety about going to sleep at night. For me it feels like at night the world kind of stops. Of course this has led me into a bad habit of staying up late and losing sleep. So one of my steps to getting better is to get to sleep as close to 10:00pm as possible. Lack of sleep isn't doing me any favors at this point and trading off sleep for a few more hours of peace isn't worth it if I feel worse in the long run. And with this 5G subliminal I feel like I'm going to need as much sleep as possible.
The other thing is I feel like there is growing discontent among people in the U.S. But some of them aren't willing to change or do what it takes to be happier, so they just lash out at people and carry around that negativity. Maybe even drag them down to their level and say "this is the way things are, get used to it".
I thought about death the other day. Eventually I'll die, I'll cease to exist. What's beyond that, I have no idea. But it made me realize if this is the one opportunity you get, you might as well try to make the most out of it. And while that doesn't fix everything for me and cause me to pull a complete 180, it gives me enough perspective to realize that it's not worth it to throw away hours of your life to settle for what you perceive as "safe". I may never be a great musician, I may never achieve much of anything, but the one thing I know that I want is happiness. I'm working on that and I still don't know how to get there, but I'll keep trying. In the end you shouldn't need external things to be happy, I think that includes achievements. By all means we should strive to achieve what we want, but basing your self worth on those achievements is a very bad idea. If you don't have inner peace all the achievements in the world will still make you feel hollow and empty. I think in the U.S. people's sense of self is so fractured and distorted they fall into the trap of finding fulfillment outside themselves. I guess that's needed in order to sell stuff though.
The other thing is I feel like there is growing discontent among people in the U.S. But some of them aren't willing to change or do what it takes to be happier, so they just lash out at people and carry around that negativity. Maybe even drag them down to their level and say "this is the way things are, get used to it".
I thought about death the other day. Eventually I'll die, I'll cease to exist. What's beyond that, I have no idea. But it made me realize if this is the one opportunity you get, you might as well try to make the most out of it. And while that doesn't fix everything for me and cause me to pull a complete 180, it gives me enough perspective to realize that it's not worth it to throw away hours of your life to settle for what you perceive as "safe". I may never be a great musician, I may never achieve much of anything, but the one thing I know that I want is happiness. I'm working on that and I still don't know how to get there, but I'll keep trying. In the end you shouldn't need external things to be happy, I think that includes achievements. By all means we should strive to achieve what we want, but basing your self worth on those achievements is a very bad idea. If you don't have inner peace all the achievements in the world will still make you feel hollow and empty. I think in the U.S. people's sense of self is so fractured and distorted they fall into the trap of finding fulfillment outside themselves. I guess that's needed in order to sell stuff though.
